You may be tired of hearing so much from me, but I say if you don't want to take your rings off, then keep them on. IMO, it is better to leave them on, rather than pull them off.....and regret it, so back on they go.
Actually Sandi2 I look constantly to see if you comment. If I didn't have the support I am getting from people like you I don't know where I would be right now. That is the reason why I am putting my life out for the world to see.
I have not taken my ring off and I refuse to do until at least the divorce papers are signed and even then I still may not be ready.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
About the ring thing. I took mine off on V-Day when she moved out. She had done the same. I find myself at night though, putting it on when I go to bed. I don't know why, maybe it's a security blanket or something. It doesn't happen every night, but every few nights. I thought about wearing it again, but I know it will send her to the moon if she see's me wearing it.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
I have not taken my ring off and I refuse to do until at least the divorce papers are signed and even then I still may not be ready.
There you go. That was something I had figured out about myself: that me wearing my ring - regardless of her wearing hers or how she treats our marriage - represented ME and what *I* stood for. And I was wearing my ring until the divorce was final because of what it said about me.
I am not advocating wearing a ring or not, only acting with convictions and authenticity.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I have not taken my ring off and I refuse to do until at least the divorce papers are signed and even then I still may not be ready.
There you go. That was something I had figured out about myself: that me wearing my ring - regardless of her wearing hers or how she treats our marriage - represented ME and what *I* stood for. And I was wearing my ring until the divorce was final because of what it said about me.
I am not advocating wearing a ring or not, only acting with convictions and authenticity.
-PM
That was my thought exactly
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I have contemplated taking mine off but have not. It's a personal thing. The one thing I would ask yourself is WHY? For me it was more about him than me so I left mine on because I'm still committed to making my marriage work. (of course we still live together and haven't told the kids so that weighed in my decision too).
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Well D14 slept in today and I did not wake her up since she has a 5 hour road trip in front of her today. So we did not make it to the gym. I am going to take her to the store to get what she needs for her trip. Then I will be dropping her off at the school followed by a couple of errands. I have to go to the office later this morning or early afternoon. I have not spoken with W since picking up daughters stuff from her last night.
I am missing my W but I can't do anything to change the situation right now so I just have to keep doing little things to keep busy.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I took D14 to school and she is now away on her trip.
I then went to the office to do my paperwork. W popped her head in and said Hi. Then she went up front and played on the internet on the front computer. When I was done my work I just went out the backdoor without saying bye. I would be shocked if I here anything from her the rest of the day, with D14 being gone.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I am continuing with detaching. I changed my profile picture in Facebook from my W and I to my D14 and I. I also eliminated my relationship status. W never accepted my request anyways to be listed as married months ago.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
During my initial time here, especially while on moderation, I spent a fair amount of time just reading other people's situations and trying to learn from them. I looked at the old stories of vets who were posting. I searched terms when I heard them to try and understand as much as I could. (In fact, I think I still have a decently sized Excel workbook with a lot of data I saved when I read something that really drove a point home well - I'll try and find that and post it at some point.)
-PM
Last edited by PatientMan; 03/10/1509:39 PM.
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Yes I have read every post you linked. I also spend hours each day reading all the posts. The posts you linked made a lot of sense and I hope they work for me.
We have not spoken all day except for the 2 seconds when I was at the office and then she texted me this afternoon because a patient asked her if I was going to the ball game tonight, so she texted me to find out. I wrote of course I am and that was it for our communication.
This is getting so hard we have spent more then half our lives together. I was a 17 year old kid getting phone calls from her parents threatening to kill me or hire a hit man to have me killed. I never ran from any of it.
I still can't pinpoint if there is someone else or if she really likes having complete freedom for the first time in her life, but it doesn't really matter they both are the same battle.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
