rppfl -- if someone makes you feel like you are not living up to their standard, then that is not a healthy relationship.
I know this with my head, Ahoy. But sometimes I still fall back into believing I'm not good enough for H. You know what his two main complaints were? 1. I have, at times in our M, been overweight. His complaint wasn't that I am fat now, but that over the past 20 years of birthing his children, I was not always thin. And that's true. 2. My closet, has been, in the past, messy. And that's true also. But we didn't share a closet.
And here's the crazy part. As stupid as those "reasons" sound, I deep down thought that there was something to it, that he wanted out because I wasn't perfect enough. And I can read that with my head and think how utterly stupid that is, but somehow it's just ingrained. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't a good enough housekeeper (with three kids and a full time job and no help from him or anyone else). Deep down inside I still wonder if it's really all my fault.
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Do you mean sexy as in whooooar (liam) or attractive (cheeeese cake or is it beef cake)?
In which ways are you measuring yourself against H? Looks, personality, parenthood, the ability to count chickens, the ability to turn heads?
V, I don't share your affinity for Liam, but I just think H is really good-looking. But here's the truth: I am, too. There were just so many years of hearing that I wasn't thin enough, and when I was dressed up I didn't hear that I looked nice, I heard that a different dress would look better or I had chosen the incorrect undergarment. I *never* heard that I was beautiful or even pretty, not even in the context of the bedroom. (OD, are you hearing me on this???)
I don't exactly know what all this means, except possibly that I'm one screwed up woman. But I need to go finish dinner and I"m headed to a meeting soon, so I'll check back later tonight.
