Thanks so much to you all for your replies. It's definitely been one of the worse days of my sitch so far.

But I got busy this pm. Unpacked the car, did the legal paperwork, did a lot of sorting and throwing out. H had sent my trainers back from the flat, so I decided to take up running (been thinking about it for a while.) There's a little route round the park, which I did today - running and some walking - it took 12 mins. I'm hoping to get that down to 10 mins and do it 3 times a week - new GAL!

Today made me realise that expectations are not your friend. And it is so easy for them to creep in, especially when your S is giving off little signs...and you start to feel a bit more hopeful, then bam! Anyway, I'm much more robust than I was. Today shows me that whilst I get knocked, I also get back up again pretty quick. And that improves as the months roll by.

I feel I've been doing pretty well DB wise - but it's those pesky expectations. I just need to make this all about me now....and really, really not worry about what H may be up to...

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus