I've been keeping up on your sitch, although I haven't posted to you for a while since you have some great advice already.
Regarding the date you had last weekend, no 2x4 from me. While I am not dating yet, I personally think there is absolutely nothing wrong with going out and meeting people. I believe the opposite is true. No need to apologize!
Having been D before, I can tell you that what you are feeling is so incredibly normal. It's natural for those of us extroverts to not want to be alone. It's also excellent for your self esteem to remember that you are desirable. And Cali, you're a catch. Obvious from your posts
I think you handled it well in not ***selfishly*** taking it to a physical level, as many not-so-awesome men probably would have. That's the kind of thing that causes more problems than it is worth, IMO, at this stage.
Also, kudos to you for recognizing that you are not ready for a full-on R. I'm exactly there, Cali. I have just enough right now for my kids and myself, and my future goals. It would be unfair to extend myself further yet.
To me, as long as you're up-front on the date, don't lead anyone to believe there is more to it than an evening of good company, you can't go wrong. That way you set the expectation and don't let anyone down. Be honest, even if it's uncomfortable. Heck, I would assume almost everyone in our age range has been where we are and will get it!
Another perspective I used in checking to see if I am ready to date, is that I reversed the scenario in my head... What if I were starting to date, found an awesome man, and started having feelings for him, only to discover he is still in love with his stbx? Or not far into the grieving the end of his M? I would be upset. I can't allow myself to do that to another person. It's not who I want to be.
I'm not assuming to know where you are in your process, simply sharing my own.
You and I came here close to the same time, although your S was further along than mine. Cali, you are more than "Learning to Walk Again", my friend. Amazing to watch your transformation from your original posts!!
Keep going!!!
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
