So after reading my WAW's emails and they are pretty mean about mean and her entire family and almost all of our couples friends believe her I am still not going to let it get me down. My MIL has actually called me a Viper. Ouch. We used to be good friends and I called her a lot for relationship advice - I have since stopped doing that for the past few months for obvious reasons.
This does feel hopeless at times but if it ends, I will end it on my terms and on my time table. I have stopped mediating and will just think and think about things for a while.
Everything I say, she reports back to her AP. Every move I make, she reports back to her AP. The best thing I can do now is just be completely dark. She is scornful that I would even try anything to help me with our relationship. She is head over heels in love with this creep and can't stop gushing about him.
She has lied about so many things, and has painted me to be a manipulative creep and controller who she hasn't loved in 19 years.
She is so angry at me, and the fury that eminates from her could fry an egg. Really.
Our two kids are seeming to take this pretty well and they know their Mom's are separated and are talking divorce. My S9 and D6 are doing OK with this.
Today we just ran some errands and may go to the mall later on for some new shoes. I have a friend over for lunch and that is the status update.
All I can say is - I can't see how this can ever turn around.
I am going to continue to GAL, execute my plan and keep a PMA. Tomorrow kids and I go the beach with friends. That will be FUN.
So after reading my WAW's emails and they are pretty mean about mean and her entire family and almost all of our couples friends believe her I am still not going to let it get me down. My MIL has actually called me a Viper. Ouch. We used to be good friends and I called her a lot for relationship advice - I have since stopped doing that for the past few months for obvious reasons.
This does feel hopeless at times but if it ends, I will end it on my terms and on my time table. I have stopped mediating and will just think and think about things for a while.
Everything I say, she reports back to her AP. Every move I make, she reports back to her AP. The best thing I can do now is just be completely dark. She is scornful that I would even try anything to help me with our relationship. She is head over heels in love with this creep and can't stop gushing about him.
She has lied about so many things, and has painted me to be a manipulative creep and controller who she hasn't loved in 19 years.
She is so angry at me, and the fury that eminates from her could fry an egg. Really.
Our two kids are seeming to take this pretty well and they know their Mom's are separated and are talking divorce. My S9 and D6 are doing OK with this.
Today we just ran some errands and may go to the mall later on for some new shoes. I have a friend over for lunch and that is the status update.
All I can say is - I can't see how this can ever turn around.
I am going to continue to GAL, execute my plan and keep a PMA. Tomorrow kids and I go the beach with friends. That will be FUN.
You can let her have what she wants so badly. Stop supporting her in any way. Do not cover for her, do not pay any her bills, if you are still married get a court order together for visitation, etc of the kids.
"She is so angry at me, and the fury that eminates from her could fry an egg. Really."
Well, of course, hate isn't the opposite of love. Whilst the anger can't be very nice, it's a more hopeful sign than apathy I think....good quote by the way - a DB classic!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sigh, Foolish... This title... And the constant wondering "Should I be hopeful??", "Do I have a chance?" And every email, text or phone call, you wonder if this means it's over. You've been like this since the beginning even though we've told you tens of times that this is not the way to approach this. You've said you would stop, yet you do it again and again. Now you're going to see this title every single time you come to post. And so will we.
Can you, for an entire week, stop wondering what are your chances of R? Do you understand that this is not helping you, your sitch, or your kids?
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I thought being honest was a good thing. I put myself out there with the expectation of being rewarded for doing the honest and right things. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
So, now I refocus my efforts towards me....again....with no expectations. It feels like I am in some sort of cosmic chess match with the eternally creepy Bobby Fischer.
How to refocus on being a better me?
Here are my strengths:
1. Loyal 2. Good Planner 3. Good Career due to my planing into the future 4. Good with Money 5. Good Provider 6. Leads with logic instead of emotion
What my weaknesses are:
1. Loyal to a fault 2. Does not live in the moment - working on it 3. Future Plans - again not living in the moment more 4. Miserly with money 5. Good provider but to only family and friends - reach out more 6. Leads with logic - more emotion could be a welcome change 7. Rigid 8. Cant get outside of my own head 9. Tends to be negative and pessimistic 10. Does not set healthy boundaries - lets people walk on me 11. Feeling like I don't belong or don't deserve happiness, that I am flawed and if people really knew me, they would not like me.
The challenges that I am answering are:
1. Working out every day I don't have my kids 2. Living more in the moment 3. Try to not let jealousy consume me 4. Doing things that are fun for me - playing music 5. Trying to get outside of myself - to connect - to be more open and accessible 6. Trying to be more positive 7. Strive to be authentic in all interactions and with myself
Had parent teacher conference with both kids. WAW wife was there. We said hello and talked only about children and were civil. I focuses on being in the moment and really listening to what the teachers said.
She asked if I wanted to walk with her to get some snacks from the convenience store down the street. I calmly said "No thanks".
My D6's teacher said she was having trouble being social with her classmates. My WAW wants to take her to a child psychologist as she had a list of referrals. I calmly said I would like to look at the list before making any decisions."
I had no expectations.
Upon leaving we were walking up a hill and she had to stop and catch her breath. "I said are you OK?" and she replied "Just a bad cold and my asthma". I replied "I'm sorry to hear that". I waited for her to catch up and then I got into my car and left.
Interaction was strictly neutral.
Yesterday the kids and I went to the beach and played and had ice cream and watched movies. We had a very fun day. Saturday my s9 had a friend over and played Minecraft for forever and the kid ended up spending the night. My son was very happy.
Foolish, I haven't read your whole story, so my apologies if I'm off base. It would help if you added a signature with some information about your sitch. Your thread title concerns me because DB'ing isn't about winning. You don't win if your WAW comes back and things are the same as before. You win by making you the best you possible. Be the person only a fool would leave. You can do this! Be positive. Even if things don't work out the way you want them to, you can still be happy with your own life. No one else has the power to make you happy. Only you can do that.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
