For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife

[sandi2]

Mozza, sorry that I am just now getting back to your question.

The reason I'm still wondering relates to your comment about the moral character of the W. My W cheated on me in 2009 with another sweet talking colleague. She kept it a secret and told me that she would leave me because we were incompatible or something to that effect. As she told me, she slept with him twice during a business trip. She said at the time that she saw the light and confessed her A to me, telling me that she would stay if I forgave her, which I did on the spot. We moved on but little changed in our couple past the first couple of months.

So fast forward to 2014 and, once again, we're incompatible, she needs to be alone, to find herself, etc. Our M is a disappointment because it only delivers half-emotions. The original romance is gone and we fight too much. Turns out there's another OM, a colleague again.

So, is she a WW who lost her morals or is she a serial cheater? Is it possible that those were two exceptions? If she's a serial cheater in your opinion, should I just cut my losses and hope that she'll never come back?

I don't wish to make this any more complicated that it already may be. Psychologists would probably break it down into more complex categories, IDK. But trying to keep basically to where I started, I believe it is what's in the heart before an A ever happens. Whatever moral and spiritual/religious foundation they received while their character was being molded in childhood to adulthood, IMHO (and I am certainly no expert), would have a great influence on those type of decisions in life. It does not always prevent a person from being wayward, b/c it is an act of volition. People can change (either direction) and do not always adhere to their parents or even their own previous belief system. And since we know a WW is acting from emotions, there will be a clash between what she knows in her heart is right & wrong with what she is desiring/feeling.

I went online to copy the definition of the word "wayward" and this is what it gave:

Difficult to control or predict because of unusual or perverse behavior. synonyms: willful, headstrong, stubborn, obstinate, obdurate, perverse, contrary, disobedient, insubordinate, undisciplined

The Bible refers to a the "strange woman," as the King James Version calls her. Other translations refer to this immoral woman as a "seductress," "adulteress," "wayward wife," "loose woman."

So, is she a WW who lost her morals or is she a serial cheater?

IMO, it is not an issue of loosing but of choosing. We should make our decisions based on what we know is right & wrong, and not on how we feel. I don't know your W's moral character, but I would guess she knows it is not right to be in a M and be involved with another man. She allowed her emotions to lead her astray, instead of doing what she knew to be right. She was not innocent. She wanted something strong enough to put her M and family at risk to have it, although it was wrong in several areas of moral character. B/c she chooses to do what she knows is immorally wrong for a married woman, she becomes wayward in her thinking, emotions, and behavior.

A person can also choose to come back from that state of being wayward and begin acting on what they know is the right thing to do. Apparently, that is what your W chose to do after her A in 2009. However, I can't remember the details, so I don't know if she chose to simply do the right thing, or if there was another motivation. Make sense? In other words, some people may appear to walk the walk but their heart is not feeling it.

Then your W has another A only five years later. As I said, I don't know her moral character and can only tell by her actions that she is either giving over to her wayward desires and allowing those feelings to be in charge of her decisions in spite of what she knows to be morally wrong....or else she has never had strong moral character which is now evident by her choices. To say it bluntly, some people just don't care.

I believe we choose to have moral character. It helps tremendously to have adults who are our models and try earnestly to pass forward, but ultimately, it is up to each of us.

All I can say is according to her actions, she is definitely a wayward wife at this time. Would she ever make changes and be faithful for the duration of her life? IDK. She's had two A's in five years while M. I, personally, see it as a high risk when there has been more than one A.

You are the one who has to decide if you believe she would ever stay faithful and if you could take that risk again. Could you ever completely trust her again? ((Mozza))

Sorry for such a lengthy answer.