hold on! - 8

[u-turn]

I spent the night reeling again probably because I found a flash drive with some OM stuff (e-mails and photos) on it. It was all old - from last summer and before, but it did remind me of a lot of bad crap that was going on. It also showed me that this A was going on earlier than I had thought. I thought I triggered it, I took the blame for it, I apologized, but she was already changing, the EA was already happening. I wish I wasn't so blind back then.

Nothing new, it doesn't change anythings, but It really hurt to see that stuff again.

I am reeling, because not matter what I tell her that I want, NC letter, transparency... all it would take is a wink at work to say - ignore all this, I'm just keeping husband at bay. Let's start new e-mail addresses... Lets keep this going as long as I want.

She does not seem to think that this was all wrong, which makes me think that she is only quiet right now.

I don't know how to trust anymore.