Part 16 - edz, just edz

[edz]

Afternoon all

well an interesting morning. W came around about 9:40 to get s, and I made her some toast and coffee. And we sat and chatted about things (not deep r stuff yet) she started crying at one point and I asked her would she feel better if I held her she said yes, just a sitting down head on shoulder nothing romatic. She still seems distanced and told me she does feel empty.

I ended up re-arranging my morning and moving calls to this afternoon and we went out to grab some brunch (well w and s did just coffee for me) just light chat mostly about s needing a haircut. We'd have liked to go for a walk too but the damnable weather is still revolting down here and w's stomach is playing up so we went back to the house and w picked up the car and went back to the flat with s.

I'm out for swimming tonight and s is coming along so I'll be over there at 5 ish to pick him up (he's not staying tonight).

W and I did touch upon talking, w seems very isolated and isnt talking to anyone about how she feels, I've said she can talk to me about things (unless obviously those things are me in which case she should find someone to talk to be it a friend or a professional) through the course of the chat I did restate my boundry about I cant just be friends but I'm here.

It could all, will all, change soon whether thats the way I want things to go, well who knows?

W does seem to feel more comfortable with me within her personal space though and I am trying to show I respect that space and dont want her to feel uncomfortable. We were talking in the kitchen (s was in the living room) and she did say at one point (before she cried) that she felt a little under the spotlight, I asked how I could ease that she said no it was simply speaking one on one with anyone.

S was a little upset when he was going, I understand his feelings, he saw us all together this morning and wants that as do I but I've previously explained he will just need to go with the flow and we'll work out as we work out.

Oddly natural this morning, I felt very relaxed and calm and once or twice I saw the relaxed happy w momentarilly appear although she soon went back to distance but thats to be expected, all is patience.

We did briefly discuss an 80s revival concert thats coming down to the south next month, w was quite interested so that may be something we both may enjoy together.

I wont lie, I wanted them both to stay, I wanted w to say ok lets try this I wanted all of that but its not a topic for today and its not a topic I have the power to raise. Interestingly w was looking around the house today, looking in the rooms, seeing s's room dont know if thats important or im reading something thats not there, she even said the house over the road is the one she'd like (clearly though she didnt say anything like "the one we should go for" and so Im not reading something into her comments).

I think she's weighing the possibilities right now, thats more than I could have dreamt of in August, less than I truly want but grounds for hope at least if not going down the path of expectations.

Well, need to catch up now after playing hooky this morning.

Anyway, just a quick update.

Thanks all.

Edz