All I Wanna Do Is..Get A Little Closer #12

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Job. You know I always love your words of wisdom.

Well folks, I made myself do something every night in Vegas. Met with the friends about work and had a great time. The friend had an employee with him and the guy was telling me about his recent engagement. He was in his early 50s, never married, and engaged to this very attractive 40 something woman with 4 kids. I was really moved by the way he described the way he felt about her. He said he "knew" this was it and he was taking parenting classes and ready to embrace her family. My friend nudged me and said, "See, GB. There is hope for you and your baggage." I like to think of it as more of a set of luggage. And please know, that didn't offend me. The friend knows my humor:)

The last night I was tempted to stay in but got shamed by some friends to go out so I did. Peer pressure! I saw a Cirque show. Love those shows. I saw many couples of course, and I was okay by myself. Sometimes you meet more entertaining people by yourself:) Always feel like I want to audition but I feel like I may have missed my calling at 42...ya know???

I was glad to see my people when I got home. It was x Mr. GB's weekend and the boys went. D10 stayed with me and we had girl time. X Mr. GB's gf's dad died (he was 84) and x Mr. GB sent me a message asking if I could watch the dog for "them." I couldn't give 2 figs about "them" at this point. However, I passed on the opportunity for some good humor and said, "kids and I will watch dog and please bring food." X Mr. GB sent me lots of old photos while I was in Vegas saying he had been "looking at these all of the time." I just said, "Oh, look how little the kids were. Cute pics!" I keep feeling like he "misses" our friendship, and I remind myself that I was fired from those roles. I'm always pleasant and that's all I can handle right now.

I was a bit weepy on the way to work today. Some days I feel like a cliche'-the divorced attention seeking mom. Although, I seek attention in a more subdued manner than many I see. I don't feel quite so desperate to be desired, wanted, etc. I'm sure that will come back-probably in the next hour. I can't imagine waking up next to someone or being in a R again. Seems so....foreign??? Hopefully, I can imagine that again. I don't know....it seems like another lifetime.

Some days are better than others. I still fight the "ugliest girl in the world syndrome" although that's been better as of late. I am trying desperately to prevent my daughter from inheriting "this."

I've been quietly following along with many threads. Sending everyone a hug:)