Toot Va Bien!

[Sotto]

Well, bit of a rough day so far. Decided a visit to the marital home was overdue. I wanted to say goodbye to the bunny and H texted to say cat was limping, so that was on my mind. Woke up early and on the road by 5.30.

I have now been erased at our house. All photos of me and us taken down and replaced with others. None from our time together. All from before we met when SS was really small. I guess it's maybe surprising it took H so long to do it. But hard to see anyway.

Spent some time with the rabbit and said my goodbyes. Hard to do that but I'm glad to know where she will be and think it will be a nice life for her.

Finally, I snooped. Bad idea I know. I guess H's recent 'confusion' has got to me a bit and I wanted to see if I could get more of a feel for where things are at. Just had a look at H's desktop, where he had saved a document called 'another email' in January of this year.

In this, he told OW he loved her. Said things couldn't go on as they were. Her with OM and with him too. It was destructive he said. She thought she could maintain two R's, but she can't. She made him so happy before she went to work abroad and he wants that back again. When she comes back, he wants them to be together. But it needs to be simple, not complicated as it is now. He said she didn't have to respond to the email and he didn't want to argue. But she had to know he has his boundaries and he needs to be able to trust her. etc...

All very difficult to read and I feel just lousy now. Hard to read him professing love for OW so recently and still very much in pursuit. Sounds like she may be coming back to the UK too. So, I know I only have myself to blame and I'm bracing myself for 2x4s. At least it settles any uncertainty I may have had and I can just stick to business from now on. I just feel I'm back on the rollercoaster at the moment and I want to get off.