Okay, I'm really not sure what to make of this. Maybe someone here will have an insight.

Today I returned home expecting to find the car (W had said she'd leave it for me to use) so that I could go to the library and get DR. The car wasn't there. I texted W, and she said she was half an hour distant but would bring it by. I said okay, even though it was cutting it close, as it would give me only 10 minutes to get to the library (I didn't tell her why I wanted to go, and she didn't ask).

She arrived with the car-- and the OM was right there in the passenger seat. They both got out and I leapt into the driver's seat and peeled out, willfully ignoring the OM's attempt to say hello (If you can't say anything nice...).

I did get there juuuuuuust in time (they locked the doors just after I walked in) and, having secured DR, read it from cover to cover before she got home from his place (today they spent 14 hours together).

So once she sees me again, she asks "Were you angry?" I say no, and she immediately asks why I didn't say anything to the OM. "What would I have said to him?" I return. "Well.. 'hi'," she says. I reply with a noncommittal "huh." After a moment, she says "He was really upset for about half an hour afterward. I explained to him that you were just really stressed out about wanting to get to the library before it closed. That's what it was, wasn't it?"

I replied, truthfully, that I had been stressed, and that I had not been angry in that moment. She clearly recognized that there was something I wasn't saying, but she let the matter drop (as I changed the subject).

I'm somewhat baffled by both of their responses. How could he possibly expect me to be pleasant and cordial to him-- a man who is gleefully, blatantly having an affair with my wife? Why would she think that I'd want to address him with anything other than vituperative bile? Maybe I'm being a little *too* good with the 180 in masking my disgust for their behavior. Or.. I have had zero contact with the OM since a week before they stopped bothering to hide the A, so he has had no insight into my thoughts and feelings other than what she has told him. She has told him that we're "definitely getting divorced." She must have convinced him that I am in agreement about D and am therefore perfectly okay with their A and not at all hurt by it. I don't see what other explanation would make sense.