I wouldn't despair too much. What I say here are typically "fleeting" thoughts that I want to read with my own eyes to see if they are right or wrong. Plus, I get your feedback to. I think I lost Corri along the way...I bet she's given up on me because of this BS. This is truly a journal...a place to record and contemplate thoughts. When I wrote those things, I knew they were wrong as I wrote them. I used to play golf and studied everything I could learn about holding a club, the swing, the stance etc. I could quote the perfect "lesson" on a golf swing but the ball would still slice and hook. So one day at the driving range, I did something seemingly insane...I purposely changed my stance, grip and swing and watch the dramatic affects of these changes. I essentially learned what to do by learning what NOT to do. So here I am. I'm taking some swings that are inside-out, standing way too close, then way too far, and from the chaos is arising a pure set of answers. Does this make sense at all? It's the way I learn everything (unfortunately).
So don't worry about your H or be bummed...these thoughts, on a "conviction" scale of 1-10, rank about a 2. Things like chilling out, having patience and continuing to be the best H I can be are 10s.
