Newbie needs advice and encouragement

[Kramer]

I'm not entirely sure what to do. I am going to counseling and working on my issues that contributed to her unhappiness, mainly control, selfishness, and rigidity in my thinking. I am trying to not be so anal about things and more "no big thing" attitude instead. I am working at clearing our debts and becoming more fiscally responsible. Notice that I said "our" debts instead of "my" debts. She is just as responsible as I am for this. We BOTH enjoyed the lifestyle that we led.

I am limiting our communication to legal issues only and it is so hard. These past 2 daysI have been cleaning the house after my wife and her youngest son moved out while I was at a conference. It was not an unexpected move, but I certainly did not expect the mess that they left behind. I came across a bunch of old letters and journal entries from her, and it appears that she has been unhappy for a number of years. I wish that she would have confronted me about that so that wecould have worked on our issues instead of blowing up the entire family like she did. I realize that her affair probably was the catalyst for this action, but it would have been nice if I would have been given an opportunity to make things better.

Sandi2 posted a very informative entry about wayward spouse versus walk away wife. I think that my wife is definitely a wayward spouse, and she is deep in the throes of her affair. I do not see it changing anytime soon. I have no choice but to move forward with my life, make my own personal improvements, and protect myself financially/legally.it is so very hard to do this. Everything I do, from going to the grocery store, out to eat, or walking around the neighborhood, reminds me of her and our relationship together. I just got back from Costco, and even that brought back a flood of memories, because of the large size of our family. Now it's just me and her 18-year-old niece living alone in a 4000 square-foot house. Very sad.