The foster boy, I've decided I'm going to proceed with the adoption regardless of what the wife does. I can't take the 1 person he'll have for support away from my son as we go through this.
My wife has been mistreating me and the kids for years. I've been putting up with it to a point and I think that's a big chunk of why we're where we're at. It's been a huge loss of attraction. It wasn't like this in the beginning, but she's been getting that way over the last couple of years. My son even says my wife is mean.
She's been pretty good lately, but yesterday she was on them a lot. She left to go "shopping" again and while she was out I took the boys up to get our hair cuts. One the drive, I had a long conversation with them about what they want in a mom. Let's just say the wife isn't even close on a lot things. Especially patience and understanding. My 7 yr old son even told me I should break up with Mom.
So this morning, she starts in again and I had enough. There's a project she started and left as a mess. No care in how it was done, stuff just slopped on. I called her over and pointed it out to her, that this is how I see "us" that she makes a mess and leaves it for me to pick up. She started to argue and I just listed off a ton of stuff. I then explained to her in very clear terms that if the crap doesn't stop, then I'll pull the plug on things and we can go to war.
She fought me a little, but relented into a pile of tears. Saying that she thinks something is just broken in her that can't be fixed. That she's only been like this with me and that's part of the reason she doesn't want to be here anymore. She's filled with anger and resentment. I explained that I've been looking at what I want in a wife and mother. That she either fits or she doesn't.
We talked at length about what next. She wants to stick around and finish fixing a bunch of the project that were started, but didn't participate in after that. She wants to get me setup for the next person and that I'm a catch (just not attracted to me anymore). She wants our son to have a good home, etc. She also wants us both to start dating and she's ready to move to one of the rooms in the basement to start our transition to separation and divorce.
I kept my cool during the conversation and she ended up perking up a lot. We were laughing at the end of it.
I broke it off and went and worked out. Later, I came up behind her while she was dancing and hugged her sweaty. It annoyed her a bit, I laughed and took a shower. When I came out she was telling me how proud she was about me loosing so much weight as fast as I have. I've even smacked her on the butt a few times in fun and once got a squeal of delight/big smile.
We've been joking and talking most of the day. Crazy part of all this is that she's treating me better than she has in years. It's almost like the person I remember she was.
She wanted to skip going to our son basketball game again, but asked me if it was ok (i.e. part of being motherly). I told her not to ask me, but to ask our son and left it at that. It took her a bit, but she came to the decision that she would go for a little while. She got there a little late, but sat next to me with our legs touching. We were discussing our Disney trip and I was engaging some of the other people around us (especially the cuter women) with a lot of laughs.
She left a little early from the game to go shopping after we thought our son was done. But didn't say goodbye because he was sitting with his friends. He ended up going back in 1 last time and was playing awesome, but got distracted when he noticed his Mom was there anymore. A little later, he caught the basketball right in the face, but took it like a champ. It had to have hurt like hell. He had all the adults cheering him on and had a bunch of sympathy from the other women around us. I got asked where the wife was and I explained she's just doing her own thing and left it at that.
My son was really upset that she wasn't there. She forgotten her water-bottle and he clung to it until we go home.
As I got closer to home, I started getting the butterflies again. So I'm here typing and letting the kids enjoy playing outside. :P
Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. Feeling a little sad at the moment.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
