Hopeless in NYC

[eclipse]

Grabbed some nice flowers for the W, mom-in-law, and D. Well, that'll teach me. Awkward moment when D turned and asked "why doesn't mommy appreciate?" Had to come up with some BS about how she's tired from work. OTOH, maybe not BS. She's working graveyard shift 5 nights a week now. Sometimes I wonder if she's driving herself insane with that kind of schedule--she's starting to remind me about things she never told me (apparently I'm supposed to take D to the shrink with me). Ugh.

[mahhhty]

E - Why did you buy your W flowers?

[eclipse]

E - Why did you buy your W flowers?

I'd say IWD has deeper cultural relevance in the Russian-American community than most others.

Two issues from the past addressed here: refusal to even acknowledge holidays, and cultural rejection. Got flack for both for years, the second of which was on her old list of things I need to seek help for. :P

[eclipse]

D was up all night coughing, so instead of waking her up early to take her to the in-laws, I decided to work from home and let her sleep in and have breakfast together. Awesome. So I drop her off mid-day, and a few hours later mom-in-law calls and says D's coughing is out of control, suggests I take her to the doc since I'm home anyway. Not a bad idea...bad reason, but more time together. So I swing by, and guess who's walking D out to the car. Oh my dear W...I love you, but how you make my skin crawl. She's as vicious as ever, and starts telling me how this wasn't her idea and it's all her mom's fault. Then I get drilled about how I'm incompetent for allowing D's coat to be unzipped while walking her to the building (warmest day this year and not a breeze in sight, mind you). I just keep on smiling at her and agreeing away, and that was making her blood boil. She rolls her eyes and storms off. Meanwhile D and I visit the doc and have dinner afterward. NICE!

[eclipse]

Therapist says W would really benefit from some professional help and needs someone she respects to nudge her into that direction. Come to think of it, she never really had any respect for anyone, not even her own parents who she claims to love so much. When it comes to major life decisions, she's always done whatever she wants. I guess it's not any different this time. How strange that I never noticed this until forced to take a step back.

[eclipse]

W turns 30 in a few hours. Of course no mention of this except from Ace. Apparently she's having a big party and inviting everyone except me. Would be really awesome to get hit by a bus tomorrow...finally, a present she can actually appreciate.

[HeavyD]

Don't even joke about something like that

[eclipse]

I can't keep watching this unfold. W's facebook is plastered with birthday wishes from colleagues and new friends. I'm not really sure what to do because I think it'll ruin her day if I do the same. But how can I not--I've watched her grow up since she was 16. I hear from Ace that W also got a new job, which W didn't bother mentioning to me at all. It seems she's trying not so much to divorce me as to erase my existence from her mind altogether.

[mahhhty]

I hear from Ace that W also got a new job, which W didn't bother mentioning to me at all. It seems she's trying not so much to divorce me as to erase my existence from her mind altogether.

This is what WAWs do. You need to read up on Sandis LBH thread, many things will resonate with you and it will be very enlightening. All of our situations are balancing acts, the more we put in, the less the other person has to put in. Part of what works about detaching is that we stop putting ourselves and over time we become pursued by the WAW. This takes great effort. It is very difficult. And it doesn't happen overnight.

I'm confident you can do it. You have a whole world of people and knowledge at your fingertips. Your situation isn't all that unique many of us have a WAW to deal with. We are here for you eclipse!

[mahhhty]

How is NYC Tonight?