Little but FIERCE (Little's Thread #6)

[Little]

I'm having issues letting the past control me. I don't want to go to the town that BF and I lived in (where his new GF has her store, right on main street! GAG!) and I CERTAINLY don't want to go to the town where he and his new GF live in their new house. I do not, under any circumstances, want reminders of how our R blew up and I don't want to risk running into either of them.

I don't strictly have to go to these places (there's nothing in these towns that *requires* me to go there, save the shopping is better; but there are other options on my route to and from work in the opposite direction), but I feel like I'm limiting myself due to fear of negative emotions and that angers me because in a sense, it's letting him control me.

It's been 7 months and there are still quiet moments where I recall what's been done and my stomach gets queasy. More due to the fact that someone I put my love in could behave in this manner; it's still utterly disgusting to me.

It's also old news. Get over it, Little.

45\ <---- my cat walked across the keyboard and left a love note for you guys.




I'm also concerned because my sex-drive has been nill (I think due to medications, both an antidepressant and a hormonal birth control pill I'm taking to regulate my cycles) and even though I'm not seeing anyone, I've got this PTSD situation in my head figuring that no one will ever love someone that doesn't want to have sex twice a day like a wild animal. I hate that people such emphasis on sex as a form of intimacy. It makes me feel pressure and I'm not even intimate with anyone.

Don't get me wrong; I love sex and I'm a very sexual person, but I feel like I have nothing to offer someone if I'm not running on all cylinders where this is concerned and that [censored]. I hate how self-worth is related to this, because people make a huge deal out of it.