Sandi, I was thinking a little about what happened with phunguy's experience. I started thinking about what I would do if my wife came down and wanted to do that with me. I would probably respond by telling her that as much as I would love doing that, I just can't as long as she is doing what she is doing on the phone with these other men. I guess my question is, what does that do to her insecurities right now. She has gone through alot of insecurity issues lately!! But I guess I have gone through some also since she has cut me off!!
Joe, at the risk of sounding harsh, I don't know that her insecurities should be your main concern at the moment. Besides, she is getting those ego shots from other men all the time.
It is very common for a WW to test the H through sex. She feels she is still in control when he caves to her sexually. I would not tell her the following;
Quote:
as much as I would love doing that, I just can't as long as she is doing what she is doing on the phone with these other men.
A few thoughts about this type of response, okay? First, from her VP, it sounds rather self-righteous & preachy. I mean, every word is truth, but that's how it will sound to her. Second, it will be seen as punitive. You aren't punishing her.....you are turning her down. You don't want left-over sex.
Hey, don't explain how much you would enjoy doing it. You only have to remember two little words. "No thanks!"
I promise you if you remove yourself by saying those two words......message received. You will not settle for sloppy left-overs. Then if she verbally attacks you, just turn away and leave her presence. In fact, do it when you first say, "no thanks".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
