My WAY keeps wanting is to be friends and to coparent our kids.
I forgot to comment on the "friends" part. I have written rather lengthly posts in past times on the friendship the WW claims she wants to keep with her LBH. I believe as in so many things with men & women that they have a different definition or something gets lost in translation.
Many times, the WW will drop the bomb and hit the H with, "but I hope we will always be friends" without hardly taking a breath. At that particular time, she is "done" and sees herself moving on, but she wants his full cooperation and no trouble. She is "soothing" his feelings by offering her great consolation prize of friendship. Maybe even BFF!
All the time, the poor H's head is spinning and hasn't had a chance to grasp the news with which she just blew him off planet earth. He desperately grabs for any crumbs she throws at him. Friends? His mind is reeling. He thinks by being friends they will be able to work out their issues and reconcile. In time, she will see his improvements and will realize she still loves him. Yes, friends sounds like a good idea to him.
However, that is not her thinking at all. If he agrees to this friendship, she will use it to her advantage in every possible way. Especially if they are living in separated houses. He becomes her handyman, plumber, electrician, errand boy, babysitter, and the best one of all......a gay boyfriend. She can cry on his shoulder when there is a problem between her and OM, and will expect his sympathy! She will expect him to drop every thing at the last minute and put her wishes as top priority 24/7. If he EVER complains or, heaven forbid, tell her "no"........she starts the old dance & song of now she knew she couldn't depend on him. He said he would be her friend and now .....yada, yada, yada. Do I need go continue. Or do you get the picture?
It is entrapment, guys, I'm telling you! Here's the point. She reduces you from a position that only ONE person can occupy. Her husband. Now she wants you to fill a role that anyone can have. Her friend. Now which role do you see as more valuable? As long as you act like her gay boyfriend (no offense to anyone) she will not see you any differently. It's up to you, if you want to settle for a friend relationship instead of a marriage relationship, that's your business. I only remember one man who was honest enough to admit that he would settle for friendship.......just to be close to her. How sad!
This is the epitome, IMHO, of the WW cake eating. She gets the A/OM as her main course and keeps H on the side as her BFF. Consequences? I would say NO.
Now about co-parenting. You can have a "friendly" (as in civil, cooperating) co-parenting arrangement without being chummy. Oh sure, she would be fine with going together to the school events, birthday parties, and anything else she has time to put aside. It beats her having to sit alone at the games, right? She is only cake eating, guys! She gets to participate in family/school activities --with you by her side. She doesn't have to miss any of it.
So sure, have a co-parenting schedule to adhere. But don't be her personal escort. Don't invite her to the parties and other family functions. She didn't want a future with you in it.......remember?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
