SUN AM: Sorry to sound so scary but if I were to graph my trend at dealing with anger and frustration, it would clearly be moving in the right direction (though it might sound otherwise). The reason I sound so venomous here is that I absolutely don't want it to spill out here at home. Yes, this is the first time I have ever bit my tongue, sat on my hands and waited for it to pass. This is the first time in my life I have ever done something like that. It was a horrible feeling but it surprised me to see that actually "vaporizes". I do have anger issues in that I've typically ignore the things that bother me only to feel yucky way down the road....like a pushover.. Now I pay attention and let it hurt immediately, and simply try to just chill. Next time I'll be much better at it. I just had to force myself to stop paying so much attention to the "attention" I was getting. Someone here said that I was keeping too close of a watch on this and that was true. Corri said to not let W off the hook when she does something to upset me. Granted I didn't give W any clue about what was bothering me, she definitely assumed it was her and were great today.
This morning we had about 45 minutes of cuddling, good kissing and a few gropes. I was totally into it. Things are good. I'm hopefull that tonight we will get a good session of LM in before my trip. I (nicely) set the expectation this morning (when we stopped) that we need to make time together tonight.
Yep, I'm paying attention to all this stuff because it's the first time I have ever felt this way and I know in my heart what "good" behavior is and what "bad" behavior is and I'm getting better control of it.
