Susana (7) - Like a big pizza pie

[Zues126]

*Disclaimer- some opinions here that may vary from person to person*

I understand feeling resentment for the pain he is causing. I understand feeling frustrated that you are the one that has to carry the weight. I understand questioning whether a person that could do this could ever be a good partner for you.

But I DON'T understand questioning whether you'd stay in the M.

I get that you may not 'feel' like it. But what does 'feeling' like love, or 'feeling' like R have to do with it? When you thinking about whether to work on your M in terms of whether you 'feel' like it, well, you might as well give up because you'll never last anyway. Kind of like the M ceremony where both people vowed to stay married "as long as their love should last". Good luck

My motto has always been "Act with the character I WISH my ex had". How can you find your H's lack of commitment hurtful, and then literally kick around the idea of doing the same thing (giving up on the M)?

I agree there are points at which you have to close the door. I'm not sure I'm there yet, but my STBX and I haven't spoken in 3 months, she's been with another man for 8, and she's living in a way (alcoholism, addiction, and destruction) that I can't be part of. I am filing D myself with the SUPPORT OF MY DB COACH because she said it was a gift to her to do something that would allow her to take full responsibility for her actions.

Point is right now I can't imagine us together. I think I love the person I thought she was, but I don't feel love to her. I have fond memories. But she is my W and the mother of my children. I'm not longing after her, nor do I expect anything to change between us, and 100% of my life is about going forward. Yet if she pulled out of her waywardness, took accountability, and wanted to R, well, I'd shake my head with disbelief and wouldn't jump into anything, but I might give her some time to grow and see who she turned into. If she grew into a good woman, one that I still had love for...why wouldn't I leave the door open to remarrying her? Not sure about that, I doubt it will be relevant. But my point is 1) VOWS ARE SERIOUS and 2) FEELINGS DON'T MATTER (for the most part).

In your sitch you are going out on dates, ML, and he is saying nice things about you and wanting to spend time with you, and in the .0001% not in an active PA. That's not to say it's "getting better", it might get worse, but darn, this seems like a sitch close to T3024's that just worked out splendidly. I get that your needs aren't being met and pain is being inflicted. You can feel hurt and that hurt can be turned to anger. Totally fine. But I'd encourage you to lose the talk about not being sure about R. I get that it's scary when you can't see the road ahead, but there is ALWAYS a path.