I just read your backgound and found we have very much in common, he's LD, I'm, HD. I am wondering if part of the problem is that we do get along so well in other respects with our partners. Are we afraid to stir up trouble? Do we want peace in our homes and therefore let things go rather than deal with them? Tell me in your relationship is your wife the more laid back person or are you?
In mine, I am definitly the more vocal and (OK, I'll say it) more uptight, I worry about stuff. I often say that if my husband was anymore laid back he would fall over. I take care of the finances, most of the kid stuff and most of the household duties....but it's not because I want to it's because I have to.
When I tried to hand over the finances to H, we almost had the electicity turned off because he forgot to pay it (3 straight months!.) He didn't worry about that at all... Because I fixed it. I called PPL got an extention and got to work late the next day because I had to drive the payment down personally.
So... I took the finances back and he started doing the wash. After two weeks my kids were begging me to take this job back too. My D's favorite dress was the size of a barbie dress, my son's favorite T-shirt was pink, AND I had no underware. (I am not kidding none... To this day I still do not know what happened to it!)(I might be able to explain that better if he was the one who is HD!!)
OK, now that I am writing this.....I am thinking he's the one really in control here. He doesn't like to pay the bills so I do it. He doesn't do the wash well, so I do it. Maybe not wanting sex is just one more way for him to control the relationship without having to do anything!!
The funny thing is... this makes him out to be a bully and he really isn't. He is one of the nicest guys I know. Anyone that knows us would laugh at the thought that H is the conrolling one. (I am always the one with my mouth open) But quietly, very quietly he gets exactly what he wants. And, most times we end up laughing about the stuff he does rather than yelling about it. Maybe I'm letting him get away with too much. Maybe I need to stop fixing stuff. Maybe by me fixing things all the time I am not letting him feel like a man. Or, maybe he is just getting away without having to do the crappy at home jobs and this has nothing to do with the sex thing. Thanks for letting me sound off on your posting.
P.S. I just went down stairs and told him he had to pick 3 household tasks and I didn't care if I had to go out and buy all new clothes or go without electricity. I wasn't taking the jobs back. My teenage daughter almost started to cry!
