Alpha and WAW - part 2

[alpha99]

Right, it is early morning here - and I can't sleep. Sleeping hasn't been *such* an issue this last week or two, I haven't been having a lot but I had been snoozing through the night. However for the last few days I have only been having 2-3 hours sleep - if that.

I am going to be out most of the day today with friends playing golf. Unfortunately I probably won't get to see my children until Tuesday morning when I take them to school. FIL has been taking them on Mondays due to it being his day off work. I am sad over this. It's been six weeks now since BD and whilst I have gotten used to some of the changes in my life pretty quickly, I don't think I will ever come to terms with my children not being here with me when they wake up every day. The thought of that is heartbreaking and just typing this out has started to make me cry.

Thinking about this for a moment, W took the kids with her when she went to her M's because I wasn't handling the situation very well. In the last few weeks I have completely turned things around and I'm now in total control of myself (99.9% of the time). I think it is time to start saying that the children should be at home with me a bit more. I don't like the idea of my wife forever more dictating when I can see them, or if I only have the opportunity to see them for a short spell each day, take them out once a week. Granted, I was a mess the first few weeks and so it made sense for her to look after them. But as I am getting back to normal, and in some senses doing better than ever, then it is time to reclaim my children.

I will go about this in a nice way. I don't want to go down the solicitor route. I do get the feeling W will get angry with me and come out with a load of excuses as to why I shouldn't have them. That's too bad. They are my children too, she had an affair, she left the family home, she doesn't have custody over them and so there's no reason I can see why they shouldn't spend at least a few days a week in their own house with their father.