Susana (7) - Like a big pizza pie

[susana4]

Susana,

Susana,

I am pretty sure that your H isn't going through MLC.

Hi Wonka,
Is that because of his age (he does seem too young) or because he doesn't fit the profile?

We've had some young MLCers. I was what some people may consider a "young MLCer" as I started my own MLC when I was 32.

To me, a true MLCer generally exhibits those behaviors/tendencies:

-Prolonged covert depression (some overt)
-Memory is shot/vacant eyes
-Feeling an enormous amount of pressure
-Feeling trapped
-Insatiable need to "run away" (i.e., moving out or even moving many miles away)
-Having Jekyll/Hyde swings (between nice and monstering)
-Thinks that the world is the problem...not the MLCer
-Absolutely not interested in "working" on the M because they're not the ones with a 'problem'

From what I read in your threads, I do not see H exhibiting any of those MLC "symptoms" to date.

Wonka, thanks for the description of MLC! That's really helpful - and nope, that doesn't sound like my H! (I didn't realise MLC could start that young though, interesting.)

He is just a WAS who is frustrated and probably feeling out of his depth in understanding what entails a real marriage is all about...not the Disney version. I sense he is a bit slow in coming to the realization that M is hard work and one has to really work at it like a beautiful rose one tends to on a regular basis.

Hope this helps.

Yep, that sounds about right. From my discussions with my DB coach and my observations I think when we started transitioning into the second stage of marriage (out of honeymoon phase) H hit the panic button (and didn't realize that this is a normal transition).

I know he has some FOO issues so that's why MLC seemed like it could make sense but based on the characteristics you shared it doesn't sound like him.