Devotion To A Dream

[phunguy]

One of these days, I've got to have a long talk with you. Women have been having sex without feelings......all the way back to Eve.

I would really like that.

I know that they do. And maybe I'm completely wrong, maybe I've learned nothing about women at this point or this one. But I have learned that making her feel important to me and making her feel good about herself is what seems to have played into today more than anything. She specifically referenced last night. It was spent talking and validating, being empathetic and not solving her problems. I just listened I was in the moment and I continued it all day today.

Maybe my DB'g is paying off. It's too early to tell and this may be fleeting she could be playing me because she feels guilty about tonight. She could be doing anything or she could be seeing me differently. She could be seeing me as I have been hoping for the last couple weeks detaching and getting a life. Or did she just temperature check me? Either way something has changed maybe not all of her feelings but something.

[phunguy]

Same thing happened with my WAW. The next day she tried killing herself. I found her phone and she had texted her friend "Great, now I have to start pushing him away all over again. He [blanking] thinks he's my savior." And more I can't remember.

Read Sandi's new thread and don't lie to yourself.

Wow I'm sorry to read that. And that scares the hell out of me now.

[Zues126]

Well, I hope all is well with you and your sitch.

What lead up to that incident was 2-3 months of me DBing and her expressing confliction. She had mentioned missing our M, admiring what I'd been doing, etc. Then she called me one night sobbing because she had broken it off with her OM and missed me.

I went over there and nature ran it's course. At the beginning she was talking about working things out, but then started back pedalling even as we ML. It was eerie. Then the next day followed.

After that she was right back with OM. At one point she told me "if I ever say stuff like that to you again don't listen to me, I'm telling you I really don't want to be close to you".

Your WAW is different. But probably not too much...

GL AND GAL!

[phunguy]

Thanks Zues just read that post From Sandi. Eye opener for sure! I realize nothing is normal in this space. I could only imagine how difficult your sitch must have been. I realize this could be a moment of weakness on her part and maybe I'm getting played. There's a lot going on and I'm sure nothing is what it seems. I know that she's confused and using all the negativity of anything from the past to fuel her dislike for me and our M. I also know that she had an A and though she claims no contact and that it's over and she's adamant and given me a access, I know that she's decieved me before and capable of it again.

She's still the woman who two days ago was revolting against my GAL. She's still the woman who chose her friends over our family and she's still the woman who went out with them again tonight. She's also the woman who can't seem to make a decision on anything and has mood swings with regularity as day into night.

[phunguy]

I wish I was having that kind of trouble!! My wife says nothing to me. No physical affection like that since October!!

Trust me Joe, this was unexpected and while I'm on cloud 9 I know that nothing is what it seems right now. There hasn't been anything like this in a while. Certainly no kisses or affection and I love you's. I also know that women want sex as much as we do and I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't get what she wants come hell or high water. Keep working on you. One bright spot today changes nothing in my plan at this point. Follow the 37 rules, set goals, check and re-check how 180s may or may not be working and take care of yourself. Believe me when I tell you this is just another curve on this roller coaster I've still got my seatbelt on and this ride ain't over yet.

[Joe46]

WOW!! Well phunguy, you could be in my shoes. Wife seemed okay all day up till around dinner time. Than something just snapped! I was getting bad looks and major silent treatment. She was supper pissed about something. She was in her room most of the day. Not sure what to think. I have just been running around the house staying busy and being happy. Talked to my stepson during dinner. She sat as far away from me as possible. Than awhile ago, she complains that we were to loud and she could not sleep today. So I take the kids downstairs so she can nap. Than she complains that I am keeping her from saying good night to them.???????

[phunguy]

Laying low and observing. Took the kids to church this am, then grocery shopping. She slept off hangover most of the afternoon. Back to DB. She has been very nice this evening. Told her I had plans this week Tues, Thurs, Fri. Maybe Sat. She seemed surprised and slightly miffed.

[phunguy]

Fun night cake for my D3 birthday. Things are good in the house but I'm still working hard at everything. Family time is my favorite thing in the world, I am a lucky man to have two awesome kids even if my son is also struggling right now. Underneath all of his emotions is good boy who is just caught in the middle of a bad situation and found himself listening to adult conversations when he shouldn't have been. My biggest regret was not finding him on the stairs before so much was said that night, I wish I could make all that pain go away for him.

[phunguy]

As of this morning that W is back. Switch was flipped she made a few cutting comments I ignored them but she was definitely putting me in check or trying to I suppse it's cause I have something to do or its just cause shes done as she claims in the past.

[phunguy]

I actually responded on your thread about what you told her. Women can and do have sex without any feelings, and certainly without love. Historically, women used their sexuality to accomplish or conquer various goals in their life. Some were so limited in survival skills they had to rely on their sexual abilities. It still goes on today. . Mostly, I think women have used their sexuality to control. It happens with the little housewife and goes all the way up to the White House.

True, some HD women who are in an active A can have sex with OM and her H. I won't say your W was not....(ahem).....in the mood........but based on how easily she brushed it off afterwards, and went her merry way on her "night with the girls" instead of honoring your request to be with the family, I'd say she was temp checking and getting you back in the palm of her hand. Yes, control.

I hate to tell you, but you need to write it off as nothing. In the future, please stop telling your W how she feels!!

Go back to acting as if none of this sex took place and you have not changed your stance. Do not make any comments about the sex. Just let it alone.

This post is from the other thread thought I'd put it in here because I need to be reminded of this. Mainly because I believe that I have made a mistake. She clearly was using this just as you said, for a hand check. Oh look there I was, but yet, I am going out tonight and a few other days this week, I wonder if this has anything to do with her attitude change or if it was simply that, her urge and satisfaction of that. Either way I know nothing has changed and she is still on her course of the most inactive divorce seeker in history.