Journaling - This morning was MiL's funeral. W ended up sitting with her dad and 2 of her sisters. D20 had a cow when I asked her to sit next to me and d17 and s13 - she has 25 of her fun cousins to sit with, but I insisted. I was weepy for MiL all morning and I wanted her with me.
It was an old school funeral service, full mass (was a bit too long). There were some nice stories, but it wasn't at all emotional. No one was crying. W only started crying at the end.
So after the service, I stayed away from W, let her see her friends who attended. She was still crying a bit. Then we went to a lunch served at the church hall. Chicken potato chip casserole. Perfect church hall meal - grin. I sat with the kids, W and 3 of her friends to eat.
The emotions started showing up here at the meal with my kids. D20 tried stealing a piece of fruit of W's plate, W snapped at her, and d20 went full gushing tears saying "you're not the only one who is hurt by this!" Then d20 blamed me for making her sit with me at the funeral. Then as we were ready to go (d17 and s13 were going with me back to my place), d17 starts crying that she didn't want to go back with me. I explained that I really wanted her to spend some time with me, but she refused. Ok, today was not the day to force anything.
Now up to this point, I had stayed away from W, and we only had a few words. Good convo at our table while eating but nothing special. Then after the meal was over W pulled a chair up next to me, turned her back and asked for a back massage. She said (b/c of her fibromyalgia) that her back was hurting so bad, and I knew where all of her "spots" were, and she needed the massage. So I rubbed her for a few minutes. I said my farewells, and then I took s13 back to my place.
Now on the ride back s13 was a monster. I don't know if it was the funeral, or my not seeing him last weekend, but he just started raving that he wanted to go back to the W's place b/c he had so much homework to do. I knew he needed peace and calm from me today, so I didn't bite on his trying to fight with me ("I'll never come back if we don't go to my favorite restaurant", "I'm not going in, I'm sleeping in the car", etc.) I stayed calm and told him I would bring him back to W's place tomorrow at 6 am if he wanted but today we take a day off from homework.
He calmed down when we got to the apartment. We watched a little of the Kentucky basketball game, he ate himself silly, and is now taking a nap.
It just felt odd that my W and I didn't comfort each other today. It felt right for me to stay away from her, but it had that feeling like we were already out of each other's lives. I'm a little sad.
