Annnnnnd she's off for another 13-hour day with him. Actually, considering that he met up with her two hours ago, it looks like it's going to be a 15-hour day.
I try and fail to keep myself from thinking about all the new experiences and memories they are and have been and will be sharing and building together.. and how those could have been ours instead.
I try and fail to keep myself from imagining my fantasy in which she hears all the facts and statistics about love addiction, the failure rate of affairs, the regrets that WAWs have after divorce, and the sheer amount of money she's flushing away for the sake of her addiction, and responds "oh no, I don't want that, I'd better give him up before that happens."
I try and fail to imagine that going out to GAL is not "losing", or just pretending to have happiness, or bound to be miserable without her.
I try and fail to keep my mind OFF of these things and on my job hunt. Which knocks me on my back for hours, staring at the ceiling or into nowhere, breathing as deeply as I can, sending these thoughts around and around in a vicious circle.
