Susana (7) - Like a big pizza pie

[susana4]

I've done a little reading on covert depression, thanks for te tip Cadet. Some of it does seem to fit with H. I thought before he seemed like he could be going through MLC but he's too young. When I get home I will re read depression chapter in DR (I only skimmed if before because i didn't think H fit symptoms of depression).

H doesn't have the anger that's talked about my covert depression but his brother definitely does. He's always starting fights, has been banned from bars and been arrested. H and I have spoken before about whether his brother is depressed. All f H's brothers self medicate with alcohol as far as I can tell. H supresses his anger in a way I've always thought was unhealthy (not sure if this fits into covert depression or not).

He seemed to have been self medicating with alcohol in January but this seems to have stopped in feb, but now he has substituted with a tv show. Before BD, h was incredibly focused on work (another addiction to avoid facing it?) and gave up a lot f hobbies and friendships to pursue work. He was incapable of making major decisions (another symptom of covert depression they say). We were trying to decide whether to move abroad and he couldn't decide, at the time I thought it was immaturity. Then he got the new job he was working for and seemed aimless after that. At BD he blamed me for giving up hobbies like biking, and got not seeing his friends more. I thought this was ridiculous and chalked it up to "believe none of what they say" but covert depression does make sense.

At any rate it isn't something I can fix, like you say. He needs to fix it but who knows if he will. He has actually said before he thought he could use therapy but refused to see an IC on grounds of expense (money is a huge stressor for him and maybe linked to depression for him).

Another interesting thing I read in an article on covert depression is often the Ws of covert depressed H's end up having overt depression (I did).

I will stay my path. Nothing I can do for H if he is depressed apart from validation of he ever does realise and broach the subject.

Reading about it has made me feel more empathy for him (and less hatred), so that is good. That and sitting in the park in the sunshine and taking myself for dinner (and a movie in a little bit) has made me feel a bit better.