Thanks for the post. I needed to hear that again and I'm sorry about your sit. Sounds like H is stuck in his ways and needs to have the HD Ball Busters come pay him a visit.
On a lighter note I must confess, I really liked your line about the morning workout. With that type of enthusiasm, we'd need regular floorboard replacement. I also liked the orgy solution.
Nothing happened today except that I was late coming down to dinner...doh! I could tell that it bothered W but she didn't say anything about it. Hung out watching the tube and snuggled a bit, then went to bed together. I had to assure her that "after a night like last night, I have 0 expectations...so don't worry about being near me". That sort of annoys her to talk about stuff like that. But we I've got to get her to a point where she feels like a kiss or a grope isn't going to trigger a big production.
Our new sofa came. It lets us snuggle while watching TV. Finished the show we wanted to watch, then W proceeded to watch a stupid cooking show until she fell asleep. There were 30 minutes there that were wasted on crap. But....I must chill...I must chill...I must chill...I must chill. I got back rubs and we had some good kissing but at one point she got the impression that I wanted to go further and she started to say something but retracted. Trust me, I got the message.
Why can something be so enjoyable to us and simply a chore to someone else. It's insane. I'm not frustrated about not getting any action but the fact that she's consciously having to think about wanting to do it. It's unbelievable and is making me crazy. Once again, I feel like quitting. The boy-scout effort has to be a year before I make any decisions. She's obviously working through it just as I'm working through coming down for dinner on time.
I still just cant understand why a person wouldn't want more of that "tingly" feeling you get when you kiss and touch each other. Why deny it. One morning she compared it ice cream...where eating too much gets old. WELL THEN CHANGE F'IN FLAVOR!!!!! You won't get fat, your arteries wont clog, there's health benefits, there's psychological benefits, there's relationship benefits. What the F! Are you just plain stupid?
Dammit! I just wrote a really long post, submitted, proofed, and closed my browser before "publishing" it. Crap, that sucks. I've done that alot. It's probably the exercise of writing that's important though. But here's the summary. 1. I'm in a funk again 2. Why does wife get to "hold the remote" 3. I'm doomed to either lonliness or pain for the rest of my life. 4. It might be because I'm "broken" like my dog whose mom died when he was born. I should accept my lot. 5. The guy who is using chemicals to chill out might have the right idea aftar all. 6. Once again, I want to give up. 7. I'm physically aching today even after doing a big group fun-run with family. 8. W knows something is wrong but I keep telling her I'm just tired. 9. Life sucks.
Dave36, My situation is not very different to yours except you get a lot more kissing than me - I don't get anything other than pecks and she has never rubbed any part of my body ever but I did manage to persuade her to "just do it" every Friday night and that she would accept it without complaint. It was not as difficult to persuade her as I thought it would be because she knows we have a problem as does your W. I guess that she expects it to fizzle out after a few weeks but my intention is that it will just become an accepted routine and that eventually she will lose all her hangups and come to enjoy it and it may even become more frequent. Try suggesting a "just do it" trial for a few months of Fridays. You may be pleasantly surprised. SD
Oh, man, why are we all on the same wavelength? It's freaking me out! Especially when I wade back through the old posts here, and I see most of us have been here for most, if not all of the past year, and we're still mostly dealing with the same sh!t. Yes, for some, things have improved, but not for enough of us. I'm not a complainer by nature (you'd never know it by reading me here, tho), and I do try to remain optimistic, but I have to admit I'm in the same mindset right now as Dave36, although I'm jealous of the kissing.
Quote: 2. Why does wife get to "hold the remote"
Gaaa!!! That would be a DEAL-breaker for me! For one thing, I like to put a show on, and then watch it - I don't "channel surf". Given that, I INSIST on being able to kill the volume during commercials - otherwise it's like fingernails on a blackboard for me! I feel for you, D36!
Quote: 3. I'm doomed to either lonliness or pain for the rest of my life.
Yes, I feel that way too at the moment, except since I'm lonely in my M, and that causes me pain, I get both for the price of one. I'm really thinking that there'd be less "lonliness" outside my M. (Tim slaps himself hard on both cheeks...)
Quote: 5. The guy who is using chemicals to chill out might have the right idea aftar all.
8. W knows something is wrong but I keep telling her I'm just tired. 9. Life sucks.
Dave - DON'T pretend - there's no progress in that! She can't read your mind... talk to her! But first, chillchillchillchillchillchillchill...
Then SD said:
Quote: except you get a lot more kissing than me - I don't get anything other than pecks and she has never rubbed any part of my body ever but I did manage to persuade her to "just do it" every Friday night and that she would accept it without complaint.
Sorry, guys, but I envy both of you, as difficult as your sitch's are. I get NONE of what both of you are getting. That is going to be one of the goals I set for my M... getting SOMETHING in the way of closeness/affection.
Quote: I guess that she expects it to fizzle out after a few weeks but my intention is that it will just become an accepted routine and that eventually she will lose all her hangups and come to enjoy it and it may even become more frequent.
SD - I hope I'm wrong, but from where I sit, I agree with the first part of your sentence, (I think my W is always expecting that, too, and for the most part, it has), but I fear your intention will not come to pass, or if it does, it'll be a golfball-sized kidney stone. If she really is expecting it to fizzle, then when it doesn't, she'll go WTF and you'll have a problem again. Like I said, I hope I'm wrong...
Quote: SD - I hope I'm wrong, but from where I sit, I agree with the first part of your sentence, (I think my W is always expecting that, too, and for the most part, it has), but I fear your intention will not come to pass, or if it does, it'll be a golfball-sized kidney stone. If she really is expecting it to fizzle, then when it doesn't, she'll go WTF and you'll have a problem again. Like I said, I hope I'm wrong...
Look, Tim, I've been around the block a few times just like you and deep down I know there's only a 10% chance of success but heck, I've got to cling onto that 10% 'cos it's all I've got. SD
Yes, SD, I hear you, and I agree with you. It's what I've been doing for years now. I do truly wish you and your W the best, and hope it can come true - and if it does, and you can sustain it for at least 6-12 months, I expect you to come back here and TELL US ALL ABOUT IT! It will give the rest of us (me, CeMar, Hairdog, D36) much hope. It sounds like you are off to a GREAT start, and I'm hopeful for you in spite of myself. I do hope you didn't take my post as being belligerent, or a put-down, or belittling you in any way. It was not meant that way. I am all too aware that I am NOT an expert in this area, however much experience I have. I should always preface with FWIW, and that it may not be worth much. I VERY MUCH did not intend to throw cold water on your enthusiasm. I guess that post was more a reflection of my own current hopelessness and funk than anything, and I do truly apologize for that. I am planning an "expectations" chat with W sometime this weekend, and I'm really trying to prepare for it. There's a lot going on here right now, so it's going to be difficult to find a good time for it, but I'm hoping this evening after we get home from DD20's choir concert we may get an opportunity. What we need is a quiet time when we won't be interrupted for an hour or so, we have nothing else to do at the moment, and the kids are either out of the house or at least out of earshot. Not an easy thing to accomplish chez-moi these days...
"Hold the Remote" was a metaphor for the fact that she's controlling this entire process. It was more clear in my original post.
I think there's something to be said for the fact that our Ws expect us to "fizzle out". Could it be a pattern of past inconsistency with the things we are interested in at any given time? Thats an issue for me...I get interests that I "burn" on for a period of time, then drop. This type of behavior has worked great at work and in sports. But making "rekindling" a project might mean I'm not interested in a year. W probably thinks that too. The funny thing about W is that she changes extremely slow. I bet that a consistent "Friday night" for a couple of years would actually work.
Maybe I just don't understand women. Let's say we had a full-time masseuse living in the house...I would get a massage every day...it's pleasurable, relaxing and healthy. Why turn down something pleasurable...are orgasms not pleasurable? I just can't comprehend this. The only thing that would make me reject a massage is if the masseuse had something completely repulsive about them. I'm absolutely positive that there's nothing repulsive about me. So what's the deal? I just can't understand a person's denial of pleasure.
I really bet that consistency over a very long period is key. W runs everything in a businesslike, precise manner, and is never late, etc. Unfortunately, I've let her wedge her daily activities into our time together to the point that I get about 5 minutes of a tired, burned out carcass of a woman at the very end of the day. Nice that she waits till the last minute. Maybe the next suggestion is that she wake, up, f* my brains out, then start her busy day. But oh, that's right...she said she hates to do in the morning because she feels "unclean" and that her shower and cleanliness then makes her want to start the day. I hope she feels that invigorated when she's a single mom.
I also liked the orgy solution. 
