Need Help!!!

[MrBond]

"Even today when she dropped off D14 she wouldn't even look at me. D14 and I are travelling a couple hundred miles each way this weekend. I would of expected her to at least say drive carefully."

Still controlling. You "expect" her to act the way you want her to act.

[errod]

MrBond you catch me every time. I do thank you for keeping me inline. I do need people like you to keep me inline.

She did text me this afternoon to see if the family liked the cookies she baked and sent up with me today. But that was our only contact today. This detaching thing is so hard I want to tell her about my day so bad, but I know that would be the wrong thing to do. So I will not contact her.

[errod]

I did cave last night and send wife one simple text saying Goodnight. She said goodnight back. I then asked her if she heard anything about this local story she was following all week and she said everything has been quite on that story. She then said Goodnight again and to enjoy my time away and we will talk when I get back on Sunday. I wrote nothing back. I know I am suppose to be detaching but I couldn't not say Goodnight.

This is a bittersweet trip. It is nice to be around family and people that care about me. But at the same time this is where we grew up, met, dated, had our D14, and lived for our first 10 years together. The place we met is 1 mile up the road. So it is hard to be here without her.

The hardest part of all this was if I had the support of the people on this board and only did the minor hiccups I am doing now a month or two ago we would probably have been back together. I have only been truly shut out for the last two weeks. I am still hoping that there is enough of a foundation built from our 18 years together that eventually we have something to build off of.

[sandi2]

It's all about her! She couldn't tell you something simple like, "drive carefully" or even ask how everyone was doing. Instead, it was about her. Look at the below quote:

She did text me this afternoon to see if the family liked the cookies she baked and sent up with me today. But that was

See what I mean?

I did cave last night and send wife one simple text saying Goodnight. She said goodnight back

Normally when a person says goodnight, it is to end conversation.......not to start one. You sent it, along with high expectations that she would respond. She did, and clearly that should have been your signal to STFU. But you wanted more, so you pushed for more. So, just for learning purposes, look carefully at the next quote.

I then asked her if she heard anything about this local story she was following all week and she said everything has been quite on that story. She then said Goodnight again and to enjoy my time away and we will talk when I get back on Sunday

This might as well have been a mother trying to quite her little boy so he would go to sleep and leave her alone. Can you see it?

You were so obvious. And, her response seems pretty obvious to me,

I know I am suppose to be detaching but I couldn't not say Goodnight.

Seriously? Now, that does make you sound like a little boy missing his mommy. I hope that makes you just a little angry (not at me, but yourself) b/c you need to change this type of action real quick, if you want to ever attract her again.

Don't have a pitiful victim mentality and say you just couldn't help yourself. That is what kids do. They make excuses. You don't want her to think of you like another kid. Instead, start showing her that you are a strong male who doesn't have to have her in his life to be happy. One who is having such a good time, he doesn't feel the need for a "goodnight" from the woman who chose to dump him. When you get to that place, then you can say are on the detaching road.

Not trying to beat you to a pulp, just trying to help you.

[errod]

It's all about her! She couldn't tell you something simple like, "drive carefully" or even ask how everyone was doing. Instead, it was about her. Look at the below quote:

She did text me this afternoon to see if the family liked the cookies she baked and sent up with me today. But that was

See what I mean?

I did cave last night and send wife one simple text saying Goodnight. She said goodnight back

Normally when a person says goodnight, it is to end conversation.......not to start one. You sent it, along with high expectations that she would respond. She did, and clearly that should have been your signal to STFU. But you wanted more, so you pushed for more. So, just for learning purposes, look carefully at the next quote.

I then asked her if she heard anything about this local story she was following all week and she said everything has been quite on that story. She then said Goodnight again and to enjoy my time away and we will talk when I get back on Sunday

This might as well have been a mother trying to quite her little boy so he would go to sleep and leave her alone. Can you see it?

You were so obvious. And, her response seems pretty obvious to me,

I know I am suppose to be detaching but I couldn't not say Goodnight.

Seriously? Now, that does make you sound like a little boy missing his mommy. I hope that makes you just a little angry (not at me, but yourself) b/c you need to change this type of action real quick, if you want to ever attract her again.

Don't have a pitiful victim mentality and say you just couldn't help yourself. That is what kids do. They make excuses. You don't want her to think of you like another kid. Instead, start showing her that you are a strong male who doesn't have to have her in his life to be happy. One who is having such a good time, he doesn't feel the need for a "goodnight" from the woman who chose to dump him. When you get to that place, then you can say are on the detaching road.

Not trying to beat you to a pulp, just trying to help you.

I don't take offense to your comments at all. I am on here laying my life out for everyone to read, looking for help and advice.

[sandi2]

I just posted a new thread called "For Newcomers with a Wayward Wife". Maybe you could read it. See if it helps any.

[errod]

I failed terribly again and did everything I was not suppose to. I am now at ground zero again.

[sandi2]

Don't beat yourself up too badly. You are still having to process a lot under stressful conditions.

Have you thought about keeping a journal to track your progress or when/what something doesn't work?

I may seem to come at you full speed, and I guess I am really. I have such a desire to pass along the help that was given me at one time. I have not forgotten that terrible feeling of hopelessness. If I saw no hope for your M, I would probably tell you.

I know you feel discouraged today, but tomorrow you can start afresh with a new determination. Yes?

[Sotto]

Hi Errod, don't despair. The main thing is to learn and adapt. Take on board the messages we are getting. We all make mistakes and flap around in the deep end for a while. My BD1 was in March'14 and I didn't even discover this site until October - months of doing the wrong things and trying to 'love' my H back into the M.

You're doing just fine my friend....

[errod]

She is just moving so quickly, with being an individual. I am positive she is not cheating everything checks out. It is just this one friend that she made two weeks after saying that we are going to separate in July. They just hangout all the time doing girl things but she doesn't tell me these things until I find out and ask.

We had a small argument last night, that I thought was over then. But when I went to drop off my D14 today she laid into me. I then said all kinds of stupid stuff back. I even tried to kiss her when we were arguing, that may have been the dumbest thing I ever did. She still keeps texting me hours later flipping out about that.

When arguing she told me her mind was 100% made up that we were done back in July. Then later in the argument she said her mind wasn't made up until November when I told she can do whatever she wants but I am moving into our dream house with her. Then lastly she said her mind was not made up totally until two weeks ago when one of our mutual friends tried to talk her into working on our marriage.

Now before I get blasted for everything I just wrote and said, I understand I need to work on myself. The problem is I don't know how. All of my friends are married so I would just be a third wheel. Secondly being married at 19, I have never been to a bar or anything like that and have no interest in going to one.

I have been going to the gym every morning and I am trying to get my real estate business going. But she has my mind and heart.

Every time I take a step back trying to Detach, she takes a step back. I know there is not secret answer I can do to make things right. I do get a little angry at her because I feel she let me feel all of this quilt for the last 8 months, but it is really just her wanting to live her teenage years that she was never able to live. My D14 acts more mature than her.