Susana (7) - Like a big pizza pie

[susana4]

Zew - well said. I don't want to live in that state any more, I have to admit that I lived in it far too long before BD. But nor do I want to pin my happiness on some future event. I have a tendency to do this, as do many people. H too and it always annoyed me when he did. "Well once I get X, I will be happy."
I struggle with the dichotomy of working to improve our lives and being happy without current circumstances.

I have a new job lined up (after I spent the first half
Of last year in a woe is me stage). I've had it lined up since October but am still waiting on the visa. I suppose impatience might be te better term for what I'm feeling right now.

I know I do still have choices though. I could throw in the towel on waiting for the visa/new job and leave the country. But that would mean giving up the life I've built here and all my friends (this is what I meant by I know I have choices but the consequences aren't good). Still, I can choose.