Susana (7) - Like a big pizza pie

[Sotto]

Hi Susana, sorry you're having a tough day. I've also had the whole - did I ever really know you - thing. What I've read (and I don't wish to generalise) is that men in particular tend to find it hard to process and then verbalise their feelings. Add into that people-pleasing tendencies, and you have a toxic mix. Someone who has unmet needs, but may not quite understand these and finds it hard to put them into words. And because of being a people-pleaser appears okay.

The problem with unmet needs that aren't expressed is the unhappiness tends to grow. I knew my H was feeling somewhat unhappy before he 'checked out' of the M - but I had no idea it was linked to our R. He said it was mainly to do with work. Even after I discovered his EA, he said our R was 'perfect.' A lot of this is typical, and we may want to go back to that comment of 'mess inside WAS heads' here. It may not be a good use of your mind to try and figure all this out!

In terms of the detachment. I think it is a happy combination of feeling compassionate towards your WAS and being more of an 'observer' than participant in their drama. I feel I'm getting there more now. And not seeing H makes it easier to feel detached I'm sure. I think it also means being less 'attached' to the outcome of reconciliation and truly accepting you will be okay either together or apart. V describes it as being more 'attached' to your own life, so that your life with H becomes rather less central. I think time is a factor, and I think GAL helps, along with the work we do on ourselves as the sitch rumbles along.

Hope your day is improving....the sun is shining here!