Susana (7) - Like a big pizza pie

[susana4]

"Yes, definitely not making any decisions. It's only been rolling around in my mind consistently for the last few days (and on and off since BD), and I know my feelings change a lot day to day. I think it's just hard to sustain yourself (well, for me anyway, I am happy with the changes I'm making but it *is* a lot of work!). And I am finding it hard recently to keep loving H, when my love tank's getting emptier and emptier, and that in turn makes me more tired."

I think all of the above is about attachment (IMHO anyway.) Working towards greater detachment will help. Your GALing is often linked to what H may be thinking etc, which is pretty exhausting. If you can work towards a place where your GAL and improvements are genuinely for you, and it doesn't really matter what H thinks, it gets a whole lot better so they say on these boards.

I've been reading some stuff on detachment recently. The threads seem to say that detachment happens naturally over time and you can't consciously decide to do it. (Argh!) Where I get confused is how you can lovingly detach. Recently I've felt more detached but I think I am confusing anger with detaching. I don't quite understand yet how you can love, and detach.

Yes, I think that is exhausting. My improvements are for me (I don't even really know what his complaints are) but my GAL is linked to H in a weird way. My GAL activities are things I would do anyway but the frequency is determined by him - either because we are trying to out-GAL each other or because I know he's going to be home and I want to avoid him or because I don't want to seem boring and show I have an exciting life. I think it's probably a mix of good and bad, because on the one hand it forces me to get out and GAL and not mope about, but on the other it *does* get exhausting because sometimes I want time at home alone to recharge my batteries.