Old dog seeks new trick 10

[Old Dog]

Thanks Toots, everyone has been so supportive and it means a lot to me.

I don't know if I want to, or even if I can continue in-house separation. Every time I come back here I feel miserable. I try not to show it but it's like walking onto a knife,Mexico she then twists.

She's taking herself off for the weekend as I'm off next weekend. She just popped her head round the door to see I wanted a cup of tea and to check if I remembered. I'm glad she's going, I don't want to see her, possibly ever again she's not my friend. I hate her so much for doing this and I hate it that I'm consumed by it and can't stop thinking about them.

I'm in such a bad place mentally and emotionally today. I don't think I'm a very good DBer.

[Ggrass]

It gets better, trust me.

There are the bad firsts and the good ones.

Just today, chin up or your only looking at your own beewbs. Lol,

Just one day, or half a day if you have too.

[Old Dog]

Im sure it could be much worse, but it doesn't feel like it.

I just looked down and there were my 'beewbs' ... and that's not all I saw ... as I was in the bath having a soak.

[Old Dog]

We didn't get to talk schedules about S15's op as she was so keen to get out the door. I saw her for about one minute as we passed in the kitchen. Mind you I'm thankful for that actually as I'm feeling as low as I ever have today.

[Ggrass]

Im sure it could be much worse, but it doesn't feel like it.

I just looked down and there were my 'beewbs' ... and that's not all I saw ... as I was in the bath having a soak.

Omg od hold on I'll be right there!
Sheds clothes one round the world flight.... Lol
Giggles I'm sorry but I couslnt help myself full Moon combined with full moon homones

[Old Dog]

Gg you made me laugh. Thanks hon.

[Ggrass]

;)feelings are temp old dog, just fleeting moments in time.

And that was the idea old dog make you laugh. My thread could.... Must days I. Round out up down never short of mental exercise there I tell you.

[Maybell]

NOT SO Old Dog... Sorry I'm late to the party but I'm sorry yesterday was your day. Not a good time whatsoever.

Also, what Raliced said about not taking all the blame for this. And I'm glad you took Betsey's point from my thread. Sometimes we fall down but when the other person Shows Up for us we do a better job of Showing Up too. I don't know what your W's failings are but how she's handling this part of your marriage shows, in my view, a tremendous lack of integrity. It shows entitlement, lack of empathy, and a tremendous lack of respect for you.

I'll write more about this on my thread later, but this was my week for noticing how people have been pushing my boundaries and sometimes violating them. Your WAW is VIOLATING YOUR BOUNDARIES. You don't have to take immediate action but you should really think about how you want to handle that.

Have you looked into the boundary concept very much this far in your sitch?

As far as this:

When I see a message or email from her, it causes my heart to skip a beat. I wish it didn't.

I had that reaction for a really long time. I figured out eventually it signified hope. Every time I saw his name pop up on my screen or in my inbox I hoped that THIS was the message that would say "I'm sorry. I'm an a$$. What was I thinking? Let's rebuild." And it never did. It always said something totally self-serving or demanding or hurtful or indifferent. Eventually, over time I gave up hope and then I started seeing his behavior for what it really was. My heart no longer responds to the sight of his name. Sometimes I feel a little sick seeing it, which is a different kind of depressing.

You will get there but you have to go through it first, I'm sorry to say.

I hope today has been better for you.

[Vanilla]

OD

At the moment, I would like to see you have space to reflect and detatch.

More than this, please understand that whilst OD has been imperfect that is his right as a human and as a human being to be and to grow. W is disrespectful and wayward. Full stop. This is W choice, whilst W is rationalising her behaviour and excusing it to W, she is in a full on A.

The really disrespectful part of this to V is the flaunting of it. My H was the same and this was huge for me. There is H behaviour which is down to H and there is out and out hurtful manipulation, lies and spew. H is spewing to cover up his Chasing of POW. I will be treated with respect whilst I deal with in house S, there are boundaries.

H had sex with one OW in his car, condom wrappers etc, tried to say he lent his car to a friend.
"H, I am intelligent and we both know that is untrue. As long as you are having sex in your car then I will travel in my own car (a Daewoo Matiz) you have a choice to go to your niece's wedding, go separately or go in my car" . We went separately.

H has sold his car and acquired a different car now.

H was R inging the fish wife and he lied taking her to my Brighton flat. They had an argument in the middle of the night and disturbed my 103 year old neighbour. I made H apologise, he told the neighbour that it was the TV accidentally turned on loudly. H said to V that he went because he needed alone time. Nah.

' H, I know you took the fishwife to the Brighton Flat, you were seen and heard by neighbours. This is unacceptable to V as this will be her retirement flat and she will live in it. In future you will not stay in the flat other than by prior arrangement and I reserve the right to visit whilst you are there'

Then he tried the same trick with a 'friend' to the flat abroad who is now CF to V.
Boundary enforced.

I will be enforcing boundaries and I will keep on doing so. It is my right to do so.

Gradually I am respected.

OD, this is your right too. You know where your boundaries are, when you enforce these then you will cease to be angry and hurt. Anger and hurt are signs that your boundary (castle) has been breached. Get those soldiers in action to protect your heart, the villagers to put out your fires. W is wayward like my H, nothing you can do, W is emotionally abusive with flaunting A in front of you? Plenty you can do to enforce your boundaries. It will get easier OD, I promise this if you start to enforce your boundaries. Like a muscle being exercised it will get stronger and have more endurance. V was less than a noodle, a puddle of grey gloop instead, but now she is enforcing boundaries and a puddle no more. Trust in the process OD, feels strange but it works. It is a 180.

Trust, move through your pain and act
V

[Sotto]

I agree with what V is saying OD - I think boundaries should be uppermost in your mind. I appreciate S15's op is coming up. But your W needs to understand what is and isn't okay for you here. You seem very hesitant to assert yourself with W, but the way I see it is the worst has already happened here - there's nothing to be afraid of right now.