Anxiously waiting for it to fall apart

[dejavu2]

Met 20 yrs ago, married 19yrs - 3 kids (2 teenagers & 10yo). We have been living abroad for past 10 yrs. H is a workaholic who takes high stress/high reward jobs of turning companies around, which means he is out of a job every 2-3yrs. Another job always comes along, but the process has taken its toll on his self-esteem. His choice of careers however at 47yrs he is worried the next big job may not come.

I believe he is in the midst of a midlife crisis and has been since 2011 - when he was abruptly replaced at a job. For past 3 years he has been working away from home, only home 1–2 weekends a month. He also put big walls up, became grumpy and quit communicating. He quit having fun - no vacations, no time with friends, no social life ... He quit living. We started going to MC in Oct, but by Nov he was replaced from his latest job. So now we have a broken marriage and he is looking for work. He has decided that he is tired of living abroad and wants to move to the US. I told him that I would only go back if I were his wife and we were working on our relationship. At end of Jan, he decided he wanted a divorce as he doesn't see how we can solve our marriage problems (although nothing significant has happened in our marriage - no OW that I have found).

He is proposing blowing up everything in our lives and then leaving us. I don't want to go thru a divorce somewhere I don't have any support network. He wants us to liquidate as much as we can (sell the house) and then abandon the kids and me. He says he needs to move to the US soon (before May) to get a job, however is having a hard time coming up with a plan or location he would move to. He won't even talk thru scenarios with me.

I have asked that he stay in this country to get thru divorce so kids can get use to having 2 homes. He isn't interested and wants to move back ASAP. He wants to be in the kids lives; but I don't see how that is possible from 3,000 miles away.

Although he says he wants a divorce, he hasn't done anything to get the process going. He doesn't want to move out. Still sleeping in the same bed and wants sex. He doesn't want to tell the kids. He wants to use a mediator (cheaper than lawyers), but hasn't contacted one yet. I am not sure how well mediation works when he has moved to another country.

Things had been better the past couple of weeks. Yesterday, he agreed they are better, but he doesn't know how to fix us and doesn't see a future for us and still wants a divorce. I asked if he wants to fix us - his only answer is he doesn't know how and wants a divorce.

I have been working on GAL! I have been running and spending time with friends. Went to a black tie a few weeks ago. The kids are very busy with their sports as eldest 2 are trying out for national development squads. And it is competition season again for their horses. I'm taking my eldest on a vacation in a couple of weeks. If he is gone, I would like to get a job! But can't do anything until I know his plans.

I feel like I am waiting for my world to blow up and I have no control. I can handle facts, but this ambiguity is tearing me up.