Can't sleep funnily enough. I've bashed the hell out if her pillows and sworn my best/worst.
I've also photographed the evidence and am thinking of either shredding them or burning them.
As well as feeling anger at her, I am also feeling anger and shame myself for failing to be the husband I should have been.
This is so hard to deal with. I wonder if I will ever be able to be a worthy partner and if is making me cry buckets right now.
I am also aware that this is self pity and not something I want to indulge in. I desperately want to leave any passive aggressive, or even just passive, behaviour behind.
Respectfully, I don't think it's self pity. It is very natural and appropriate grief (Suspecting an affair is one thing, knowing about it is another, being confronted with the evidence is something even more), with some self-flagellation, rather than pity thrown in.
Old Dog- I can tell you there is a bit of a silver lining here, believe it or not. At this point you have pretty much faced the worst, no? And I can tell you that strength starts to form from this point forward, if you are so inclined.
Also, I'm glad you're reflecting on some self-improvement but - seriously - cut yourself some slack here about not being the husband you should have. I bet she wasn't always the wife you needed either. This is the case for most marriages - and you can choose to work through the issues or you can do what your wife did.
Right now are you more proud of your behavior or that of Mrs. Dog?
