Continuing DBing

[Tarheel]

I had printed out that NC letter and had it in my back pocket. Sat down to talk to W about NC with OM. Didn't go well. She doesn't want to hear about me needing assurance of NC. She just wants to focus on her daughter's upcoming wedding. She wants space to find herself and enjoy this upcoming event. She says I'm just pressuring and nagging and trying to get my way for every possible angle.

For what it's worth, that's pretty much the angle my WAW took too...and you verbally committed to another 5 mos of limbo?

[PeterV2]

No, I committed to another 5 months of limbo in writing .
But I also requested that she stick to her NC policy. We'll see how that goes.

[Devaste]

Peter,

I'm always impressed with your patience and dedication towards your goal of R your marriage. Your intentions seem very transparent in all your posts, so I'm sure your W has a good idea of what you want.

I recall a long time ago, you went very dark and she ended the affair at that time. I can't help but wonder if your W is secure in the option that you will be there should she eventually make up her mind to return to the M. In the meantime it seems she can test boundaries as much as she likes, with no real fear of losing you.

I may be off base, there's a big chance for that as it happens all the time

Keep up the great work, your always inspiring!

Dev

[PeterV2]

I hear you Dev. I think that may be the case here.

I was out of town at a business meeting night before last and yesterday. When I got home past midnight last night I when into the office to check my emails. My entire Outlook inbox was empty and the pst file was deleted. W's socks were on my desk. Needless to say I wasn't impressed.

W claims this morning she didn't delete anything but I don't believe her. I managed to recover some old emails but everything in the last 11 months is gone. And this is all business stuff. I've spent the entire day rebuilding as much as I can. I told her to stay away from my computer. I'll lock it now, nightly. I don't know WTF she's thinking. It's her gravy train too. She adamantly denies monkeying with my Outlook saying she was only googling some recipes (which she actually does).

Still I don't trust her anymore. I'm totally p-ed off. And I'm barely giving her the time of day. Funny how she starts warming up to me when I get like that.

[sandi2]

Yeah, funny.

[PeterV2]

Total blow out this morning. Back when W was in Cancun and I found that she had called OM on Jan 5 I was at a point where I said to myself I'm done with her, I had confided all my troubles to a daughter of one of the RH residents who was staying with her mom at the RH. She is a happily married woman (25yrs) and I basically told her the whole story and she gave me some good perspective from a woman's point of view. She held me and kissed me which at the time was very comforting and I thanked her for that. But I had no intention to develop an EA.

Last night she sent me a text telling me to have a good show - our rock band played last night. When I got back from the show at 4am I check my text messages and found hers, so I replied saying we rocked the place. Well she replied apparently but sent her reply to my W by mistake.

W confronted me this morning about this text - she wouldn't tell me what it said. She basically accused me of having an A. I told her about that week and finding her call to OM and having decided at that time that our M is over and admitted to confiding in this other woman about our whole sitch. W accused me of lying, cheating and stringing her along. I told her that she is just projecting. That didn't go over to well.

She told me to move out. I told her I'm not going anywhere. And I told her I just want to salvage this M.

We're leaving on vacation tomorrow. How can I save the sitch to at least have a nice vacation?

[twinmom]

Go on vacation without her?

Sorry, I don't have good advice except to ignore her.

[Sotto]

Hi Peter, sorry to hear what happened? To save me looking back, was it you that also got into difficulties with the dating site following a New Year when your W was with OM?

It sounds as though you were bordering into dangerous territory again with your 'friend' and this tendency to reach out to other women when things are tough in your sitch has caused problems again. Just an observation and something to think about maybe...

As for the vacation, I'm afraid I don't know. Does your W still want to go? Even if she doesn't, I would go and have a nice solo holiday...

[twinmom]

How would she confuse sending her reply to your wife instead of you?
...........that seems fishy.......

[PeterV2]

Yeah Toots, both times that I reached out to other women was when I got to the point of no return where I said to myself I'm done with her - time for D. But both times W had afterwards shown some sign of hope that we can piece it back together. Of course by that time the horse was out of the barn.

Twinmom, it could be that she had a double send address in her phone since she often sent both of us info on her mom who's staying at our RH. But yeah it seems odd. I don't even know the content of the TM that was sent. I could ask her. Or I could ask my W. Actually I did ask my W and she wouldn't say.

Now my W wants to boot the lady's mom out of the RH. I told her don't do that. We're short enough of residents and can't pay the bills.

I'll say to W: I truly love our daughter & fiancé like they're my own flesh and blood, and it is important to me that their wedding day is great, but I want more to make sure that their whole marriage is great and enduring. I want to teach by example, that when a married couple have problems that they don't just give up but roll up their sleeves and do the hard work to fix the marriage. To get to the point beyond seeing and reacting to each others difference to appreciating and celebrating each other's difference. To be able to grow and improve with each passing year. To deepen the love, even when there may be times when the love seems to have vanished, like a river gone underground only to reappear further downstream, clean and pure.