Thank you TenBook.. I'm glad to hear what you have to share.
I keep thinking about threats and guilt and bargaining, and telling myself that it won't do any good, but I still wish that it would, so I keep thinking about it. I also am afraid to disengage (although I am trying).
Thank you for the further encouragement not to snoop. I had resolved not to after learning that she had been texting him love messages during our counseling session (because of course I know exactly what it will say, and seeing it for real will only make me unhappy) but my resolve was still shaky because I still imagined some "benefit" to knowing. It's important to know that there is no good outcome to snooping and plenty of bad.
Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to boundaries and consequences. Perhaps I'm not sure of what is actually in my power to enact. What boundaries have you set, and what consequences were you in denial about? I'm not sure I know what my boundaries are.. or should be.
Oh, those small pieces of hope. When she touches me on the shoulder for the first time in three days. When she voluntarily shared with me what she laughed at online. But she clearly now appears to think of herself as being "with him" and of me as just a leftover to be ignored. There is no contact and no connection except when she double-checks that I won't have the car when she needs it to go out with him.
