Hi Sadpand. Your situation is so painfully similar to mine I'm thinking my W wrote your story as some bizarre revenge scheme. Let me relay what obstacles I had and still trying to overcome.
Don't snoop. Don't engage in trying to find out what they are talking about or about the status of the A. That info is like cocaine. At first you think it's great but after a short time it makes you do crazy things and you still want more.
Threats, guilt, bargaining will not end her A. The urge is strong. Impossibly strong. I fail sometimes. We can't control our WAW. You may read the words and agree, but emotionally accepting this is another story.
180 needs time. You may have changed and wonder why after only 2 weeks not even a hint on her part. Resentment will happen, be easy on yourself.
Setting boundaries and consequences. I struggled with this. The forum tried numerous times to help me. I still am struggling. Read the definitions on boundaries it helped. Believe it or not, boundaries may seem like common sense, but it wasn't to me. Consequences. Starsky, Sandi, and others tried and tried to make me understand what those were. I said I was confused. I wasn't confused. I was afraid to implement the consequences for fear of losing my W. I was in denial about consequences. I'm still not there yet. Still working through the fear. My mantra, it's not confusion... it's fear and denial.
What helped me.
1) Disengaging from the situation to clear my head. Not talking. Spending time alone and digesting. I was afraid to disengage, still am.
2) Reading NMMNG. Not saying it's for everyone. But it hurt reading it. I'm now piecing together a plan to help myself.
3) Headspace. Not a cure all but I can't imagine a day without it.
4) Practice self compassion. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself for being angry. Start again.
What to watch out for.
Small pieces of hope the WAW sends out. Tactics to hurt you. Tactics to get you to care about her situation. things to confuse you and to string you along. It's not as obvious as you may think.
Pent up emotion. Don't deny them. But don't let them take over. Headspace helped me. But there are days...
Denial. If denial was easy to spot, we wouldn't be victims of it. Sometimes I felt as if, hey, she can leave I'm over her. And boy was it not true.
