You hit the "key" point to my toil. What is the appropriate way to introduce W to a frequency which is excessively beyond anything she is used to? Don't be jealous, our frequency has been quarterly and maybe biannually one year which qualifies as a no-sex marriage. Last month I told her that I needed to be together every 10 days or so and she's almost there. But guess what happened when we started ML and kissing and being together again after 10 years of autonomy?
You guessed it...my "love" buckets started to fill back up and these require much more togetherness than I needed in the past when I wasn't "really into" the relationship as much. So now I have to revise the number and I'm trying to come up with something that takes "renewed love" into the equation.
I never for a minute thought that the racing would fix anything...just the opposite. I just need a HUGE distraction to take my mind of my M and this is a great one. Getting back into racing would be a clear emotional divorce at this point. The only thing that might happen this time vs. last time is that W now likes the "new me" and might actually get jealous of my riding and ask me back into the R. If it works, great, if not, great...I'm in shape and life goes on...either way the responsibility will then be in her shoes. Does that make sense? It's really a last resort and I would rather stay home and work on the R.
But back to the frequency...I'm sure that I will eventually chill out and be able to manage once a week.,,,I really need the frequency to fuel the transition. Afteral, it's the transitions that are tough...once we stabilize, I won't require so much fuel. The other thing about my number is that I suppressed my feelings for 10 years...I tricked myself into thinking that it was wrong to want that much sex and that it was my problem. At one point I tried to withold completely and W didn't even notice.
