Just a couple of comments, FWIW. Don't read too much into this... I'm sitting on the sidelines here watching this thread, and being kind of amazed. I probably won't express myself very well at the moment, so please don't take offense... none is meant.
Dave36, one thing that amazes me is your frequency goal. It makes me wonder just how starved you really are. I guess I have to think back about 12 or 15 years to put myself in your shoes, but when you say "I can survive on 1-2 times per week...", man, I can't even imagine anymore what that would be like!!! I guess I'm just jealous. I'm trying to get things up to once a month! That would represent at least a 100% increase in frequency for me. My ideal frequency, OTOH, would be more like once a DAY! Yes, even at (almost) 48. When I was younger, I would often m'bate two or three times a day. I've slowed down a bit.
But I really think you must consider that your frequency requirements are LIGHT years ahead of where your W is at, even though she seems to be fairly well motivated to work on this sitch. If you can even DREAM of 3 times a week, then I really do envy you. No, I'm not asking for pity...
Another thing... you might want to consider how likely bike racing is to enhance your sex life. My guess: not at all. Not to say you should'nt pursue it, but I think I'd be wondering where I wanted to invest my energies... in my R (if there was any decent sign things could improve), or in something like that. I think I'd concentrate on what would get me more sex... (but that's me).
Falling asleep on the couch - now that's pretty much a way of life for my W. Here's a typical day at my house:
6:00 am - she gets up, gets herself breakfast 6:15 am - I get up, have shower, shave, dress, get myself breakfast 6:35 am - kids beginning to get up, get themselves breakfast 7:00 am - I go check my email and other messages online, while she gets the kids' lunches 7:20 am - I make my own lunch 7:40 am - in the car, drive DD to bus, S17 to HS, me to work. 7:55 am - (smack, smack, smack) - three small kisses goodbye - FIRST display of affection for the day
(workday)
4:30 pm - she picks me up, drives us home 5:15-5:45 pm - she preparing supper 6:00 pm - eat supper (usually with whatever kids are home)
After supper, I spend some time either on the computer or doing my hobby (building model airplanes), she's cleaning the kitchen, doing ironing or laundry (she's a stay-at-home mom, and yes I DO help out around the house many a time!)
8:00 pm (or so, sometimes 9:00 or so) - we meet (FINALLY!) on the couch in front of the TV. We sit down, put on a show, and within minutes, she's in dreamland (leaning on my shoulder).
11:00-11:30 pm - head for bed. When we're both there, and the lights are off, (smack, smack, smack) - three small kisses goodnight - SECOND (and last) display of affection for the day. I usually pat her on the back or the bum during these kisses.
Yes, we should turn off the tube and spend some "quality" time together, but "she needs time to relax and unwind" (i.e. sleep). Yes, "I should feel all cuddly" while she sleeps on my shoulder, but it loses its appeal after about 10 years or so, when it is the predominant way to spend an evening. I'm supposed to be "flattered" that she's "comfortable enough" with me (afer 25 years of marriage and 3 kids!!!!!) to sleep on me (she's been doing this since courtship). Yes, I know, I should have seen the writing on the wall then... (20-20 hindsight)
Sorry... I'll stop now. I post this so maybe others might feel fortunate by comparison, or maybe just write me off as an imbecile for sticking it out so long... (sigh)
I really do appreciate this place, where I can finally (FINALLY!!) gain some insight from others who are going through the same thing, from a lot of different perspectives, and finally gain some clarity about my own sitch...
