It took me way too long to really get this, but eventually W and I stopped having R talks. They didn't do any good, they stressed us out and made us angry at each other. We were both afraid that stopping R talks was "sweeping under the rug", but the reality is we were just beating a dead horse (to use two clichés in the same sentence). We confine our R talks largely to our MC sessions now. Things in the house aren't exactly warm yet, but we get along better because it has reduced the stress level for both of us.
That said, I don't believe that MC is worth your time as long as she is in an active A. The high she's getting from the A is still too strong. As Toots said above, she needs to start feeling the consequences of her actions. That distantly pleasant, busy, "I'm fine without you" demeanor is important here. I'd also recommend starting to remove her means of support, emotional and financial. It's her choice whether she wants to have an A or not, but there's no reason you have to finance it.
My W's A was brief, so I never got to the point of removing her from my cell plan, but I should have. One thing I did do early on was remove some of her emotional safety net. I made it clear to her that if she left me for OM, that he'd better be everything she wanted, because I would no longer be an option if things between them didn't work out. I meant it. I said that to her knowing that the vast majority of relationships that begin as affairs don't last.
When she wakes up from her fog, if she comes back to you and sincerely wants to recommit to your M, that's the time to start MC.
Last edited by Rzrback; 03/06/1502:48 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
