Vanilla, this is a very good summary of what usually happens during our fights. But I would've said this is what I experienced from my husband.
My feelings yesterday, I felt like I was coming from a calm place, and just having a look at the situation and reality of the last six years. To say I want to divorce, yes, a little too final. But I think I owe it to myself to consider that maybe we are not doing each other any favors by continuing as we have been. I'm just tired of the roller coaster, and tired of feeling like I have to tiptoe around my own feelings for the sake of his. This feels like a very one sided dynamic. At the same time, my husband is a perfect gentleman and thoughtful and kind unless some stress unseats him. But hey, life is a lot of stress.
Anyway, I gave him the card this morning. It was well received. We had a lovely time last night and enjoyed breakfast together. I am going to try to get out a little bit tonight by myself, but we have plans with friends and family all weekend long together, and I think I can find space in those groups with other people.
I just plan on backing off for a while and letting things alone. Nothing made solved. I have a feeling that with a little bit of time he will regain the strength and balance that I enjoyed last week from him. He just doesn't have it now, we're both worn down, and me pushing him for reassurance and answers he doesn't have while he is zapped is a more-of-the-same from a M that wasn't doing well.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
