Hi Complex - sounds like you're doing pretty well my friend? I'm sorry if I missed this, but have you decided on some goals for your career at this point? It sounds as though it's an important factor in your sitch - and that you want to be able to better 'provide' for your W and (hopefully) future family. How do you plan to work towards that point?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am going to finish school. It's going to take time bc I can only do it part time. But I won't stop until I have a degree. Then I'll become a teacher of some sort, or who knows in which direction it's going to take me. Right now I basically doubled my work hours and also my income. I work as office help for my boss now, 15 additional hours during the week. If I travel for work on the weekend (it's like every other weekend) that's another 30++/h a weekend, means 15 a week. School per week is a good 12h+h/week with classes and preparation. If I don't travel on the weekemd I do driving approx 10-12h on a weekend. So let's say another 5/week. Sums up to pretty much 50h work week.
That'll keep me busy. Plus the business will hopefully be growing. I'm having quite fun being busy, but it's exhausting, I'm not used to it. Plus all the mental stuff that's still going on.
I don't know if I should define my goals more...they seem kind of open still
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Hey Complex - just had an idea. It sounds like you already have quite a few jobs and are very busy...but I was wondering if you'd ever considered tutoring German? I ask because you can get quite a good hourly rate, so was thinking this might help your cause...
I know here private lessons with native speakers will usually cost around �20-25 per hour!
There are probably some local high school kids studying German whose parents would be willing to invest in tutoring...
Last edited by susana4; 03/04/1511:41 PM.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
I think you need to really pin down what career you want. Then start looking for work in that field part time/entry level.
You want to teach? Then start substitute teaching, apply as an aide, volunteer with the German club.
Volunteering is always a good idea.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Thanks guys for the helpful ideas. The Gernan club is a good idea too. I thought about tutoring german already it's a good idea.. Not sure if I can fit much more in my schedule. For volunteering I found a place that takes care of abandoned children from 3-18 or so, I could help them with their homework and maybe I can commit to 3-4h a week. Both good for a teaching career.chances are tho that the business will be getting better and I already have a decent amount if responsibility there. It has decent potential. Thanks guys.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
I somehow feel a little funky today and also very determined that I want to save my M. I don't think I was able to a few weeks/months ago. But I just feel like I got what it takes now to do the rights things. For myself and DB. I don't know if I was ever fully convinced until now, bc I knew deep down that it's not going to be right for either one of us if we don't complete our journey. Maybe it's just dream wishing, but I'm so much more confident and know that I'll be fine no matter what. I miss my W tho. I have to be very careful I keep my detachment and hope in balance and not get overly confident.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Don't think in terms of saving your M - not much you can do there.
Think in terms of doing what is right for you, and treating people in a way that is in keeping with your values. That, and the fact that you are now a more active and confident participant in your daily life are your best shot.
I'm trying. "Not much" doesn't mean nothing tho. W mentioned she wants to proceed with legal separation after I get my greencard. Aren't these usually ending up in D, and are just used for a step towards D for the spouse who wants out? Oh well I seriously know I should focus on myself but today I don't feel well at all. Having a throwback, tired and super depressed. I know it's the stupid meds that are still not balanced out in my system. Hope it'll be better tomorrow.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
My point is this -- if she wants legal separation, you really can't stop her. You can tell her it's not what you want, but that's about it. If you fight her or try to convince her with words, you will only assure her that it is the right thing to do.
You cannot talk someone into wanting to stay together with you.
On the other hand, if you proceed in getting your green card, completing school, holding a job, and are generally happy and fun to be with, one of two things may happen: - she may get interested again and decide to come around, or - you may find that she isn't worth waiting for
And today, nobody, not you, not her, nor anyone on this board can tell you what will happen, or even which option is the better option.
So your choice is to resist and lament that which you cannot control, or to choke down the sh!t sandwich you got for dinner, and then move on to find a better looking dessert table.
In the last few weeks you seem to have broken your total dependency on her, and that is a very, very good start. You're doing all the right things, Complex, now you just have to feel it.
My point is this -- if she wants legal separation, you really can't stop her. You can tell her it's not what you want, but that's about it. If you fight her or try to convince her with words, you will only assure her that it is the right thing to do.
You cannot talk someone into wanting to stay together with you.
On the other hand, if you proceed in getting your green card, completing school, holding a job, and are generally happy and fun to be with, one of two things may happen: - she may get interested again and decide to come around, or - you may find that she isn't worth waiting for
And today, nobody, not you, not her, nor anyone on this board can tell you what will happen, or even which option is the better option.
So your choice is to resist and lament that which you cannot control, or to choke down the sh!t sandwich you got for dinner, and then move on to find a better looking dessert table.
In the last few weeks you seem to have broken your total dependency on her, and that is a very, very good start. You're doing all the right things, Complex, now you just have to feel it.
