I was reading your post and nodding my head the whole time (at least until the 'cut my dick off' part), because, as Lee said, we've all been through this cycle. And that's what it is, a cycle. The key to surviving is to be patient and loving, yet, as Corri often says, to set clear boundaries. Do whatever you are doing to improve yourself, not to try to change her. Let her know what you need/want, but don't expect her to necessarily do anything about it...at least not right away. I know, easy to say, but hard to carry out.
Pressure. LDs see pressure in the most inane things. A sigh. A look. A clearing of the throat. A credit card receipt from Bob's House o' Bondage for a set of handcuffs, a leather mask, and a cattle prod. Don't drive yourself crazy thinking about what may or may not cause them pressure. Just be patient and loving and confident.
The list? I think your list was great, but I wouldn't give it to her. If you give her any list, I'd keep it short and general and ambiguous. And remember, anything you commit to paper can and will be used against you.
As for cutting off your weenie, I'd advise against it. Cutting off your balls may help, however.
