I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

For me, it is because MCS is putting W, her absence, her behaviour and the loss of his M together with thoughts of OM before MCS.

Ok, I understand this and I thought that may be the case and I agree. I wanted to dig deeper if you had thought that my self-esteem, self-worth or issues with being in a 'single' state were your concerns because that's not how I feel at all and thought maybe my posts may be projecting something that I don't feel.

The rational part of MCS can link with the loving part.

This is so true in what I'm struggling to obtain. Since other than controlling (which I initially thought was a devious trait, but now I see its unintentional) I still can't pinpoint what other behaviors I was displaying for W to be unhappy. I can't figure out how to be loving without kicking back into my rational (controlling) tendencies

MCS frog once active leaps great distances and then sits on a lily pad until the next great prod produces another enormous leap. I would like MCS to prod himself rather than let life events do this for him.

Another assessment that you hit the nail right on the head. This is how I learn and I've never been fantastic at reading and comprehending; but I'm really good at experiencing and then piecing disparate pieces of knowledge together.

W is straining to be independent and free (and is addicted to EA/PA)..... MCS can choose to accept and work with this rather than against it. MCS, I would like MCS accept Ws right to be W

Here's another one that I feel that I'm growing to accept (for me and M) but still struggling on her independence and freedom from motherhood (although it seems to be getting better) I have noticed that I'm not as caught up in OM think, maybe because it seems to be over; but more because I know that is between W and OM. I've struggled with applying that same principle between W and Kids

I observe MCS moving to control mode.

Yep, and I actually felt this too. The last couple days I have regressed a little based on some nasty stuff W said about me that's not true but it hurts that either she's lying or that's how she feels at the moment. I also saw that during our session; I became polarized to try and 'help' (which actually is control) the sitch she's in.

V, I can't thank you enough for posting here. It's amazing to me that not even knowing me that you've been able to assess the person that I was before and am working on now. I feel like I've known you for a long time because not only does it seem that you know me....you know how to get me to 'understand' things that I've never had to deal with in life. Like others (Sandi, Wonka, Starsky, 25, etc.) I can say that I see the work of the man above through you folks on an anonymous message board.

Also, on a closing note. I think I'm getting to the point that I'm not afraid of either outcome or R or D. That's not in my hands. However, its not preventing me from understanding that I still want our M to work. This is a concept I never thought I would understand just a few months ago.