Your feedback is much appreciated. Maybe it is time for a move to the piecing forum. Piecing is an apt word - pieces of trust, faith, past, future, good, bad, like a puzzle that ended up all over the floor.
I will respond to the rest in a bit.
I have been thinking of something. Maybe it is time for a fresh open-ended look at who we are and what we want. There are too many conversations to be had, and the ones we had years ago seem to hardly apply. I am thinking that maybe H and I can respond openly over time and word processing to this list I've put together. Maybe it will help us get clear on what we really want and believe. That we could take a few weeks and print, share our responses with each other, digest, discuss in little pieces if we see things differently. Like practical working vows, our first drafts. So many of our bad days lately seem to stem from expectations misplaced or communication, divergences on big things. This is what I have:
What do you think of the idea?
Big questions
- What do you hope that your partner will provide for you in support (physically, emotionally, monetarily?)
- What will you give to a relationship with your partner (physically, emotionally, monetarily?)
-What is important that you have in common with a partner?
-What is the biggest weakness you have in relationships?
-What strengths do you bring to relationships?
- How do you feel about having a family?
- What are your biggest life goals? How can your partner help with those?
- Paint a picture of the kind of life you'd hope to build with your partner (lifestyle, community, middle and old age)
- What are deal-breakers for you in a relationship?
-If you find yourself romantically drawn to someone else, how will you handle?
- What do you believe the role of your relationship is in the greater scheme of your life?
Meeting each other
-How do you believe your partner should gain understanding of your needs and wants?
-What needs or wants do you wish your partner to meet for you?
-If you partner isn't meeting your needs or wants, how will you handle?
-What does quality time in a relationship look like for you?
-When is it or what is it that makes you feel most loved?
-What makes you feel un-loved?
Communication
- If there is a conflict of values, needs or wants, how do you believe that should be handled?
-When is it better to not communicate?
-How should a disagreement be resolved?
- What do you believe about apologies?
- During low periods of the relationship, how will you handle? How do you wish your partner to handle?
- If your partner offends you or lets you down, how will you handle that?
- If your partner is offended or let down by you, how do you prefer they handle that?
Day to Day
-What does an ideal week look like for you?
- What kind of recreation do you enjoy most or need?
- What is an ideal vacation?
- How important is diet and exercise and shared health attitudes?
- What expectations are fair to have of a partner?
- What do you believe about division of work/life/household responsibilities in a relationship?
- What role do friends and family play in your daily life, ideally?
- What kinds of things do you want to do/experience independent of your partner?
- What do you believe about sharing financial goals and accountability?
- Should your partner have a role in helping with your general goals and accountability?
- What are your financial priorities and beliefs?
- Sexually, what do you want?
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
