Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, naturally there were existing concerns in our relationship. The most problematic issue has been that she has always felt I was "too controlling"-- that's a problem mainly because, as our MC has repeatedly pointed out, when there is a decision to be made, my upbringing taught me that everyone involved will assert their own preference, whereas her upbringing taught her that anyone who asserts their own preference is demanding their own way. So, for the past seven years, in all decisions large and small, I'd say what I wanted, expecting her to do the same, and instead of returning with her own she'd just roll over and accept mine. I of course assumed that she would eventually change because my behavior, of course, was "normal"...
It's terribly unfortunate, too, that as I look back over the years I see how poorly I prioritized her wants, needs, and interests, and how much I took her love for granted. I never hurt her, but I was just abysmal at showing her how much I treasured her. Although I acknowledge, recognize, and accept that her having an affair is not my fault, I see with painful clarity just how my behavior made an affair not only possible, not only inevitable, but irresistible to her.
It seems like every week since D-Day we've gotten further and further apart. Just when I think we must've hit rock bottom, somehow it gets even worse. I feel like I'm inviting disaster when I wonder "How can it possibly get any worse than it is now?" as we are living in the same place but barely even looking at each other on those few occasions when she is actually at home... because when she is at home she is online exchanging love messages with him.
The irony is that when she told me ILYBNILWY-- about a week ago-- she said that she wanted to make the decision "based on what's between you and me, and not because I have another guy waiting in the wings." But as long as the OM occupies her every waking moment, there is and can be nothing between us.
But I've got to GAL... I've got to get myself out there and keep busy. I can't control her. All I can help is myself.
T: 10 yrs M: 7 yrs Me: 43 Her: 31 EA discovered Nov '14 D demanded two weeks ago
