Sorry to hear that you're in this sitch, but you've come to the right place. Keep posting in small bursts until you're off moderation. Hopefully you'll hear from some of the vets on this board (full disclosure...I'm not one of them)
The only way you will survive this situation (and you will) is to accept that there is absolutely nothing you can do directly that will make her "snap out of it". In fact, any attempt on your part will likely make things worse. Read up on the Stockdale Paradox. Be very clear on your boundaries with her and stick to them.
An affair is an addiction. The parallels between an affair and drug addiction are very strong. She sees nothing right now but her affair partner and how he makes her feel. She is not in her right mind. You do not look good to her in any way, your history together is all bad, according to her. I am still shaking my head at some of the things my wife said when she was deep in her affair fog.
The 180s are part of it, but you must also detach and GAL (get a life). Make your life about you, not her. Get in shape, work on your career or business, pursue activities that make you happy. Connect or reconnect with friends. Be upbeat and positive around her. Show her that you'll be fine no matter what she does, because you will! If there are legitimate preexisting issues in your relationship (I'm betting there are), then own your role in those issues and work on them, with or without her.
Read up on what Cadet has posted. Those are extremely useful links to help get you pointed in the right direction.
I'm sure this is one of the most painful things you've ever experienced. Do not waste that pain! Use it as a catalyst to improve yourself. Humans don't learn very well when they're happy and comfortable. It's when everything falls apart that they find out what they're made of. I'm actually somewhat grateful for my WAW sitch, because out of it I've found new strength and focus. I'm a 10x better man now than I was 6 months ago, and you will be too.
Hopefully she'll wake up once her affair has run its course (most do) and realize what she's done. By that time the new and improved, strong, detached and GALed sadpand will be in a position to decide for himself whether she gets another chance or not. It's your life too.
Last edited by Rzrback; 03/05/1507:04 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
