FRI PM:
Got back from DC. The entire scavenger hunt during the week was a build up to this night. It was a planned "session". So W picked me up from the airport and was wearing an outfit to go out on a date to a trendy restaurant. She looked gorgeous and smelled great. D6 was at a sleepover. Despite being exhausted, I too changed clothes and went out. We had a nice time but W was scaring me by constantly talking about how tired she was. I was fearing that she was trying to reset my expectations after an entire week of build-up, poems, and gifts for the family that I ordered the week before. I sometimes think this is an automatic response. My approach is to "seed" thoughts by acknowledging my own accomplishments in overcoming certain feelings.

For example, I was exhausted too, therefore I would not have typically been a good sport about going out but I DID. I also realized that overcoming tiredness is worth it and not that hard. I mentioned to her how glad I was that I overcame my tiredness because I got a second wind. I hope that this was received as a "seed thought" and that she will eventually stop telling herself how tired she is.

Back to the evening. Despite her being tired, then nearly putting me to sleep by taking a bath for a very long time, she got into bed and we had a great LM session after all. Thank G! because I would have gone apesh!t otherwise.

I asked her to try to spend time with me in the morning because our D6 was not home. In the morning there was cuddling but she said that mornings "don't work for her" without a shower and that once she has a shower, she wants to start the day which basically means I will never be with in the morning. I half-heartedly offered to "split the difference" and take a shower together. Her response was that her shower is "sacred"...strike 2. So, I guess that's my life...no showers or LM in the morning. I can understand simply "not feeling like it", but making a universal statement like that really hurt me. Not wanting to badger her, I played along (sort of). Actually, she did say "sure, let's do it" but it was very patronizing and obvious that she didn't want to, so I dropped it. Also, I had just had a night of really great LM so I should just feel glad about that. But as I write this, it reminds me that she is "subconsciously' fighting this idea of greater intimacy. I've done a very good job for the 10 years in our M of not badgering, complaining, or fighting about our SSM and it would probably be counterproductive. I still think consistency is the key because eventually, my "involvement" will not seem like a novelty, just a day-to-day thing. She used to never get any love-languages from me and she got used to nothing but still enjoyed her life...she's the least "needy" and probably the least passionate person in the world. I'm certain that she will start to feel the "warmth" in the relationship as I keep addressing her LLs. She might not feel the onset, but I'm certain she would feel the withdrawal much more. I'm sure I will sound like a total bastard for saying this, but if she barely makes an effort to join me in repairing the R, then it might be nice to have something to withhold. Maybe she will someday feel as vulnerable as I do which will inspire a little bit of change.

I've known women who were very "democrat" become very "republican" because of their husbands. I don't really care what a person's politics are but this indicates to me that a fundamental belief system can be changed. This gives me more hope than a lot of the posts here. Could I simply brainwash W into being more lusty? If so, how? I saw a book about motivating others...maybe this is something to look into. Instead of self-help, I could turn to business books on salesmanship, nlp, and team building. Crazy but possibly effective idea...afterall, we are running a household business.

Sorry folks for rambling a bunch of crap right now. I'm tired.

SAT PM:
This morning, I asked W if she could commit to spending "quality time" tonight in lieu of this morning's aversion. I assured her that it wasn't really for sex, but rather being "close" and "intimate" with sexual cuddling and kissing. She said she couldn't guarantee anything which sort of pissed me off. Tonight, we watched a movie and went to bed. I mentioned that she looked sleepy and her response was..."see, I told you i couldn't guarantee anything". Oh well, it's amazing how 1 night of LM will make you not give a sh!t about anything for a day or two. I went to bed with her anyway because it's my mission to go to bed with her everynight, even if I get back up after she's asleep because I only need about 6.5 hours a night. Now, I'm sitting in the tub writing a bunch of crap.

Another incident which was good...she sort of groped me today in public. Cool. I didn't mention it or act goofy about it. My instinct says that she doesn't need praise for that. She was definitely faking it and I was definitely faking that it was "business-as-usual". I guess I should trust that she knows (to some degree) what behaviors are good and give her room to keep working on it. Maybe someday, she will pretend to really want me bad in public and have me take her home immediately for some LM...that would be so cool.

I think I've got my side of this effort figured out. Here's some guiding principals...

1. Positivity, not problems.
Never talk like there is a problem. Always talk like you are trying to achieve the agreed upon goal for the relationship.


2. Don't Be Stuart Smalley
Women don't dig guys who seem "broken". They want strong protectors who are more worried about the family than their own issues. Don't show how you've become an expert at self-help...show them how you can wrestle an alligator with your bare hands.

3. Master the Love Languages
While doing all of them simultaneously will send you to an early grave, figure out which ones are the best.

4. Self Confidence still Rules
Pick your one of your best strengths, then think about when walking into room. Gals dig the confident guy...it's a primitive instinct.

4. Do a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
While shaving your chest might be an extreme idea , the big picture is that looking your best, and trying to improve yourself makes others feel good. I just read in Esquire that the top 5 turn-off clothes for women are pleated shorts, teva sandals, mock turtlenecks, 4-button suits and something else that I can't remember. I owned and regularily wore 3 of the 5. Actually, I would regularly wear my pleated khaki shorts, with a black mock-t and my tevas...it's practically a uniform where I work.

Good night for now...I've got more on my mind but just need to post this and go (back) to bed.