Zelda - Navigating old ruts and land mines in M.2

[Calibri]

Oooh boy. That's tough Z.

I can really identify with your last paragraph about your H and childhood problems, etc.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, as I don't know if/when my H will be able to overcome his childhood and the victim mentality that he has. I found myself nodding along to just about everything you said.

The only thing I can really offer is this: your H may never change. You both are working on things -- and it sounds like you are able to process and apply your changes faster that your H will/may be able to. Does that work for you? It's not going to be an overnight change and I think that's where you'll have to asses if you have the patience to stick to it and see where it goes. But you also have to consider that H may not change, and that who he is now, may be who he is forever, or for the foreseeable future.

My IC once told me - as I said something similar to her about my H and a victim mentality and, "why didn't he just pull himself up by the bootstraps?" And she shot back at me, "How do you know that he isn't doing the best that he can?" Point taken.

Where you're at is tough. I saw the suicide comment last night and wanted to double back and ask if I was interpreting it the way I was, but I fell asleep, and then you confirmed it. There's a lot of pressure on you -- not only from him, but I think internally from yourself as well. And it sounds like to me you're walking on eggshells, and there's only so long before they break.

So. I agree. What does a D look like for you? Will that solve the issue at hand. Will you be able to walk away ok with how everything went down? Just some things to think about.

Congrats about your grant funding btw!